Thinking Thin Too

I lived...

2009-07-28T06:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I had the reunion this past weekend. Let me start with the clothes. That adorable outfit with the peacock feathers came just in time and the picture is a little misleading. The colors were extremely bright and clashing. Needless to say I didn't wear it and it is being sent back. I ended up going in "80's attire". Next time, I'm just going to wear what I feel confident in.

Friday night was the best night, of course that could be because I drank more that night. :) Many of the people that I wanted to see didn't show up. There were a few of my friends back from the day that did show up so I was extremely happy about that. The girls, some of them had gained a little bit of weight but they still looked fabulous. A number of the men improved with age. KJ, for one. He has aged very well. It's too bad he couldn't show up Saturday night too. Around 9:30 or so I decided to go outside because it was flipping hot inside the clubhouse and everyone was going to be heading to one of the local stomping grounds in a few minutes. I went outside and was quite surprised when J was standing there. We went and sat down and talked for a few. Everyone was leaving to head to the local bar and my ride (I was not in any shape to drive) asked me if I was going with him. I told him I would find a ride. J said he would drive me up there. J drove me up to the bar and we sat in the parking lot for a few minutes talking about old memories and yes, we kissed. One of those kisses that makes you weak in the knees...that perfect kiss, no fumbling around, the perfect in sync kiss. *sigh He told me had to go pick up his son so he couldn't stay. I kissed him goodbye and headed inside.

Drinks were flowing, lots of laughing, catching up with old friends and one of my bestest, bestest friends throughout high school came in. I haven't seen her in probably 18 years or so. She looked fabulous. We talked for a few, promised to keep in touch and then I was headed back to the hotel. J was coming back.

I had a wonderful time with J that night, what little time we spent together. As much as I would love to have something with him, I don't believe that is in the cards. I still don't think I'm his "type". I think for the evening, I filled a void for him...cured the lonliness for just a bit. I haven't called him since that night and he hasn't called me. I figured I would call him this weekend see if he wants to shoot some pool or something with some friends and I. I don't want to lose touch with him again. We will see, though. I have learned that having high hopes for anything usually ends in disappointment.

Saturday night was not nearly as fun as Friday night. I still attribute some of that to my lack of drinking on Saturday night. Another reason is that it was so hot and humid, it was miserable. The clubhouse at the resort we were at was stifling and even the porch out to the water was just as bad. I would just be standing there and I could feel sweat running down my back. ICK!!
One of my former classmates is a stripper down in Key West and her boyfriend is the spitting image of George Clooney. Oh yes, not a close resemblance but I'm talking pretty much his twin when he has that rugged look about him. After the clubhouse closed, my friends S and T wanted to go the closest country bar. I warned them that on Saturdays, it is mostly 18 year olds. Yes, they let them in! We drove 30 minutes, paid our $12, used the restroom and walked out. It was wall to wall 18 year olds, ughhh. We ended up meeting up with an old friend of T's and his girlfriend at a Tiki bar. The tiki bar wasn't bad. We played some darts and pool. We tried getting the girlfriend to play but she had the personality of a rock. She wouldn't talk to us, she wouldn't play darts, she wouldn't play pool, she just stood there like a statue. T's friend was outgoing and fun and I just didn't see the connection between the two. It was such an odd couple.

We ended the night about 3a. I had pretty much enough and was exhausted. There was a buffet on Sunday to bid farewell to everyone but I decided to skip it. As fun as it was to see everyone and catch up on the last 20 years, all my old high school insecurities came back in full force.
They are already talking about either a yearly cruise or the next reunion in 5 years. I will be thin for it, if it kills me!

Time to live is now...

2009-07-22T17:12:00.000-07:00

I'm getting excited and anxious about my reunion, only a couple more days. Damn, I wish I was thinner but, oh well I still look good. The funny thing about the reunion is that it seems everyone that is going has started looking up our old classmates and we are connecting via the Internet. Last night, I found J. I had a crush on him in high school. He was a couple of years older than me. I emailed him and asked if he remembered me. He did so we started emailing back and forth. Today, we spent nearly 3 hours on the phone. J was the first boy I "experimented with" and apparently after our conversation today I was his first to experiment with him. LOL No wonder he remembers me. We don't remember why we stopped talking but I do know that I wasn't his type in school, I mean after all I was overweight then too. We talked about his family. His older brother was killed 7 years ago in a robbery. His brother was working on a man's roof and 3 black men came and robbed the guy. J2 (the brother) hit him one of them on the head and they turned around and shot him. J2 was a great guy, it's very sad. Then he told me that one of our friends that we used to hang out with died last year of leukemia.

As anxious I am for the reunion, I don't want to hear any more bad stories about the ones that didn't show up because something bad happened to them. I know it's a fact of life and the process of getting older, but it sucks.

So here's living for today! You never know when tomorrow may not be here. As a side note, J and I will be getting together after the reunion for a drink or two. You never know, maybe we can rekindle something that happened 20+ years ago.

The First Week WI Results Are In..

2009-07-19T06:14:00.001-07:00

Yes, I have been peeking the second half of the week that I have had access to my scale, sue me :). I have been following the program 95% of the time throughout the week and decided on Friday I could have a real meal and went to Longhorn Steakhouse. Remind me not to do that again. It's not that going to Longhorn was a bad thing. The bad thing was that I ate more than I had all week combined and I felt awful afterwards. I mean, I wanted to vomit. I have never "binged" like this before, at least it felt like binging after a week of baby food jar size servings. Even though, I had my one meal that tasted absolutely delicious going down, I still lost 5.6 pounds the first week. YAY me!

I also found a lunch yesterday in NutriSystem that I absolutely love. It is the fudge graham bar. It tastes like a Whatchamacallit. YUMMY!!!!

...and to other topics. Next weekend is my 20 year high school reunion. Yikes! I wanted to be thin for it. Hmm, I don't think that is happening. I was a big girl in high school, so at least there won't be a surprise when they see me. I went shopping yesterday and found absolutely nothing. I had ordered a couple of things I found online and pray that it gets here in time. So everyone cross their fingers that it gets here in time, that its not sized small and that it looks great on!!!! That picture to the right is for the first night. It is a weekend reunion that is fairly casual. Friday night is 80s night (or it is encouraged anyway), Saturday is Hawaiian Luau (picture on left) and Sunday is a farewell brunch.

So everyone send their looking thin vibes my way :)

Acai

2009-07-15T08:27:00.000-07:00

Today, my entry is about the acai berry, pronounced a-sigh-ee. Acai has been used for many generations by the natives of Brazil. Acai boasts 10 times the antioxidant benefits of grapes and twice that of blueberries and is now being advertised everywhere about its health benefits. BEWARE: DO NOT FALL FOR THESE FREE TRIAL OFFERS!!!!! THEY ARE SCAMS. If you want to try it go to your local health food store. That is my public service announcement for today :). Ok, back to my speel about the acai. I have personal friends that swear by it. I haven't used it long enough to know whether or not if it truly helps but I will say that since I have been taking it (about a week) I haven't been as hungry and I'm eating 1000-1300 calories a day but it's too soon to tell. Here's what they say about it (whoever they is):

What are the 59 Health Benefits that Made Acai Berry So Famous?

Prolongs Your Life
Increases Your Energy
Increases Your Overall Strength
Helps you Look and Feel Younger
Helps You Maintain Healthy Blood Pressure
Prevents Cancer
Helps You Maintain Healthy Cholesterol Levels
Promotes Normal Blood Sugar
Enhances Sexual Function
Helps You Lose Weight
Relieves Headaches and Dizziness
Improves Quality of Sleep
Improves Your Vision
Strengthens Your Heart
Inhibits Lipid Peroxidation
Improves Disease Resistance
Strengthens Your Immune System
Helps Your Body Fight Cancer
Protects Your Precious DNA
Inhibits Tumor Growth
Reduces the Toxic Effects of Chemotherapy and Radiation
Helps to Build Strong Blood
Helps with Chronic Dry Cough
Fights Inflammation and Arthritis
Improves Lymphocyte Count
Improves Menopausal Symptoms
Prevents Morning Sickness
Improves Fertility
Strengthens Your Muscles and Bones
Supports Normal Kidney Function
Improves Your Memory
Supports Healthy Liver Function
Alleviates Anxiety and Stress
Improves Your Mood
Improves Your Digestion
Helps You Maintain Healthy Gums
Fights Fibromyalgia
Prevents Allergies
Protects Children’s Health
Promotes Overall Wellness
Increases workout recovery
Increases injury recovery
Helps to Reduce Physical Injuries
Relieves Arthritis Pain
Helps to Clear Skin of Warts
Reduces the Occurrence of Seizures
Helps Improve & Even Cure Leukemia
Fights General Depression
Supports Weight Loss through Fat Loss
Helps Slow Down the Aging Process
Provides all Vital Vitamins
Contains Several Important Minerals
Is an extremely Powerful Free Radical Fighter
Acai has very High Levels of Fibers
Cleanses and Detoxifies the Body of Infectious Toxins
Helps to Prevent Heart Problems
Improves Mental Clarity/Focus
Improves Circulation
Cures Osteoporosis

Now, here is what WebMed says about it:

Can acai berries boost weight loss?

Scientists are learning more about the functional power of superfoods, such as the acai berry. Although acai is touted in some weight loss products, few studies have tested the benefit of acai in promoting weight loss.

For now, plenty of research supports eating a diet rich in antioxidants. There’s no doubt that berries and other fruits are a key part of any healthy diet promoting weight loss. The jury’s still out on whether there is something special about acai’s ability to shed excess pounds.

Why are acai berries used in beauty products?

Some cosmetics and beauty products contain acai oil in the ingredient list. That’s because acai oil is a powerhouse of antioxidants. Studies show that acai oil may be a safe alternative to other tropical oils used in beauty products such as facial and body creams, anti-aging skin therapies, shampoos and conditioners, and other products. When acai oil is processed and stored long-term, the antioxidant levels remain high.

Do acai berries and acai juice have any side effects?
If you have pollen allergies or have a known hypersensitivity to acai or similar berries, you may want to avoid this fruit. When eaten in moderate amounts, though, acai is likely safe.

Here is another link with information on the acai http://www.acai-health.com/info.php.

NutriSystem and Why....

2009-07-14T17:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I had my 3rd day on NutriSystem and let's just say it wasn't a good day. Not because of my willpower but because the food I had today wasn't fit for a dog. My lunch was Parmesan Pasta with Brocolli, absolutely horrible. *Vomit. I had to throw it out, so I ate my mixed veggies for lunch. I passed on the cookies being passed around the table. Yay me! For dinner, I was having chicken with rice, vegetables and almonds. Sound good? Um, no. I think my dog would have turned his nose up at it! So now I know there are two foods that are off the shopping list. I ended up having to find something at my mom's house to eat so I had an egg sandwich with my broccoli.

So far the good/decent foods have been: blueberry muffins, meatloaf with mashed potatoes, thick crust pizza, cheesy potatoes, chocolate chocolate chip pudding, fudge brownie, white chocolate macadamia nut cookie, rice with beans and sausage.

Many wonder why I have decided to go with NutriSystem instead of just buying Lean Cuisines or something at the store and doing it my own for possibly less money and possibly better tasting food. I'm going to tell you why...

I did NutriSystem many years ago and had success with it, prior to them having as many choices as they have now. I had lost 40lbs with it fairly easy. Of course, I didn't keep it off. Here's my thinking though. I have to dish out $300 a month for the food. That's a lot of money up front for food. I'm one of those that if I don't feel like eating what I have for lunch/dinner, I will get something else normally. Paying $300 a month for food, doesn't allow me that choice. I don't have to think about the food so much anymore. I just fill out the number of each that I want for breakfasts, lunches and dinners and I'm done. Granted, I still need to go to the store and buy a few things like veggies, fruits, the occasional roll, milk on occasion but you get the point. I don't plan on doing this forever because I know me well enough to know that I can't. I want to eat healthier and eating processed food despite how many vitamins you fill it with doesn't necessarily make it healthier. I just need the kickstart. Time will tell...

Good morning!

2009-07-13T05:04:00.000-07:00

Wow, three days in a row of posting. I'm ok after the initial shock of the ex. Actually, he had been sick for awhile so I shouldn't have been shocked but ..hell, I can't explain it. The feelings I had were odd too...I wasn't devastated, I was a little sad. I don't know if it was for me or if it was for him. It had been years since we talked because he thought I was dog shit because I left him (I had good reason). I don't know if the feelings of mourning I have are because it is that "emotional" week or because I did at one time love the man. It's all very confusing to me. I wish him and I would have had that chance to just talk about what went wrong but he never gave me that chance. I like to close chapters. That book was slammed shut years ago instead of gently closed. Anyway enough of that...

My first day on NutriSystem was a success...yay! I haven't had a successful day at much of anything lately so this is HUGE! Of course, I spend the first few days of the week at my folks' house to save on driving time to my job and pack up my food and guess what?! I forgot my flipping breakfasts! I am improvising though by bagging up some kashi dry cereal.

I will post my weight next week after I see how I do for the week. I am going to be blogging again if it kills me. It helps keep me on track and I miss you ladies.

It's a Sad Day

2009-07-11T22:13:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time I was married, a long long time ago. Despite the many problems we had he had a good heart just a good heart with many issues. I'm not going to go into them because it just really isn't important. I spoke to his mother a few years ago (which I had never met) and she told me what he had told her about why we had split and of course, he had lied to her but he lied about everything. She told me that he was really sick and needed a liver transplant and he was being an asshole and wouldn't get one. I was online tonight searching for a couple of old friends and decided to look for him because I do occasionally think about him. He died in January, he was 41. Despite, all the crap he put me through, despite everything, I am saddened by it. If we were still married, I would be a widow right now and that is just very depressing.

Luckily, we had no children and he never had any children so there aren't any children out there missing their father. May he rest in peace.

Ok, I know it's July

2009-07-10T18:53:00.000-07:00

Ok, Diana I'm here! :P

Yes, I know I haven't updated this in months. Things haven't changed much. I still have no time. I have unfortunately gained some of the weight back that I lost. However, I am starting NutriSystem on Sunday. I just don't have the time to cook healthy meals these days so more times than not, dinners have been fast food for the past few months, not good for the waistline! So, in an effort to get everything under control I'm going to try to be able to afford NutriSystem to try to get things under control. My appetite has been out of control. I am a flipping bottomless pit lately but of course I attribute it to the lack of nutrition.

I haven't seen the gym in months. It's all rather depressing.

The job, well ....it's a job. I was recently sick and had to call in and I was docked 8 hours and I'm salary. Granted, I'm expected to work over 40 hours without extra pay but I get docked 8 hours for being sick. So, that should tell ya something without me going into too much detail. I like the people I work with, at least the majority so I'm going to stick it out.

Quite frankly, I hate where my life is at but I'm trying to look at it as a temporary situation and I'm working on trying to fix the parts that I can. I have my 20 yr reunion next weekend and hoped I would be thin for it. Hmm, I guess I will have to cut off 1/2 my body to do that...lol.

Maybe tomorrow, I can find a few minutes to come see your blogs to see how you guys are doing.

Good Intentions

2009-05-09T20:14:00.000-07:00

I know I said I would try to update my blog at least once a week but that hasn't happened. I barely have time to do anything. By the time I get home from work I have about 2 hours to cook something for dinner, eat it, clean up and try to get stuff done around the house before I have to head to bed to do it all over again. I'm not liking it. I'm not liking much of anything. I'm hoping in time things get easier at work when I can get my head wrapped around things. I remember hating my last job for the first few months too. The people there are great. If I end up staying there, I do have to move eventually because this driving 1/2 the week and staying at my mom's the other 1/2 is just not working for me. My house is not as clean as it normally would be, simply because I just don't have the time to keep it up. My yard is not weed free because I just don't have the time. I haven't been to the gym in who knows how long.

I have been trying to eat clean the past couple of weeks, been doing so so. I haven't lost any weight to speak of but haven't gained either. I guess that is something but I really wanted to be down for my 20 year reunion coming up in July. I really need to get my head back into it. It's just so hard when there aren't enough hours in the day. Now, on Sundays when I'm at my mom's I am trying to cook several days worth of food to try to get past the time part.

No love life. No time for one, which is fine. Every man I meet isn't worth my time anyway, lol. Although, I have to say I ran into my future ex-husband the other day. I was walking through the hospital and ran into him. I don't know what part of the hospital he worked in. He winked at me (he probably winks at everyone) but dang, he was fine. :)

So, there you have it in a nutshell....I have no time. I hope life settles down. I miss you all. I hope all is well in your world. I haven't even been able to check up on you guys. I can't use blogger at work (dang job). I'm not giving up on the blog and I do plan on updating when I can but if you want to keep in touch, let me know and I will send you my personal email address.

The Job

2009-03-25T18:37:00.001-07:00

Today was the 3rd day of the new job. The first two days was all orientation and most didn't apply to me, it was more clinical. Although, even though it was clinical it was still interesting and I learned a great deal. Today, I sat with a few from my new department and a software vendor for a demo. I really hope I'm not in over my head. It's my number one fear. I do know that I will not be able to update my blog as much as I used to (many moons ago) as a couple nights a week I will be spending at my mom's (and she always wants to know what I am typing on the computer) and there won't be any personal stuff going on at the computer at work. I will probably be updating my blog about once a week with any new updates on weight, etc. It's time to get back to what this blog is supposed to be about. I am changing my weigh in days to Wednesdays because I should be sleeping in my own bed Tuesday nights (YAY!). I do have some pretty good news about the job though. I get 50% off in the cafeteria and there is a salad bar. Guess how much my lunch has cost me the past couple of days? The first day I had salad bar with a drink and the salad is weighed (.20 per ounce). Lunch was a whopping $2.07! Yesterday, I had a stuffed chicken breast with au gratin potatoes and some zucchini and a drink for $3.23. Today, I had ham and some fried okra and a drink for $2.57! I can't bring my lunch for that price. The portions are perfect for watching your weight. I'm also getting exercise because I have to park like 3-4 blocks away because I can't ever find parking so this job might actually be good for my health in several ways! YAY!

I just really, really hope I'm not in over my head. Once I have adjusted to this getting up at the ass crack of dawn again and I'm not so exhausted at 7p, I'm going to spend an evening to catch up on all of you. I want to know what's going on in your lives!!!!

Routine...

2009-03-19T06:49:00.000-07:00

Good morning strangers. I know it's been awhile again since I updated. I start the job finally on Monday. So many emotions...scared to death, anxious, did I say scared to death, ready for routine again. For the past several weeks, I have been driving back and forth for physicals, TB tests, etc. Surprisingly enough, I have pretty much maintained my weight throughout this layoff period which is a great thing!!! It's time to focus again. Monday starts my new life with a new job, new people, a whole new county to date (hehe). I am looking forward to having some routine in my life again. Not that I haven't somewhat enjoyed the time off but I have found without routine, I can very easily get lazy because I could always "do it tomorrow". I have accomplished some things on my house while I was off but not nearly as much as I should have. When I work during the week, I only have the weekend to get things done, so things get done. I know it's a mindset but for whatever reason I couldn't make my mind see that while I was off from work. I am looking forward to going to the gym again. The hospital is also a non-smoking campus so if I want to smoke I will have to leave the property (not likely to happen) so it will also help me to quit. Yay!!!!

I hope all is well in your worlds and I will be checking up on all of you soon. Miss you guys.

Why I have been MIA...

2009-02-24T08:05:00.000-08:00

I have been in my own little world for a long time now. I haven't had much desire to be blogging although I do miss checking up on you guys. I apologize and even though I'm not checking up on you and leaving you messages, I do think about you. For the past several days, I've been sick. Not sick, in having a cold. Actually, I'm really not sure what is wrong. I have had chest pain for five days. Saturday night I had a fever of 102 and decided that Sunday morning I would go to the urgent care clinic. Sunday morning I woke up and the fever was pretty much gone but felt nauseous and ended up getting sick, all of which are not good signs. I went to the clinic and the doctor (which I have to tell you about) did chest X-rays and an EKG. The chest X-rays came back ok but the EKG showed some irregularities. I know nothing about EKGs but it had some dips where I guess there shouldn't have been. He was concerned because of me having Lupus. Now, before I go any further I have to tell you about this doctor. I felt like crap. I looked like hell...literally. I did nothing with my hair, no makeup, crappy clothes on...I didn't care when I left the house. Of course, I should have. This doctor was fine. He was 36, had four degrees, was thinking about going back to school for law, I could go on and on. So, I knew I had to have the EKG and if he was going to be doing it I was going to tell him that he was going to have to take me out on a date first before he could see my breasts....lol but luckily it was the nurse. I did tell her. I'm sure she ended up telling him I said that.

So anyway, because of the EKG he was really concerned about me and didn't even want me to drive myself to the emergency room. I did drive myself to the emergency room. I get to the ER and was immediately brought in. I was shocked. They did chest Xrays again and another EKG and a bunch of blood work. They hooked me up to heart monitors, oxygen and an IV. The Dr came by at one point asked what the problem was and I told him and I never saw him again. All I found out was that my chest xrays were clear, lungs were clear, no heart attack, heart looked good, oxygen levels looked good, I wasn't pregnant (duh!), I still had an irregular EKG and I had chest pain. My prognosis was that I had chest pain. They don't know why. They don't know if it will go away. They don't know what's causing it but I can go home. How's that for a $4800 hospital bill, not including the doctor's fee (for the whole 2 minutes he spent with me). I will be interested to see what his fee will be.

I can't get in to see my doctor right now because now I am in between insurance because apparently my insurance stopped Feb 7th and I haven't gotten my Cobra paperwork yet. I had to pay $500 on Sunday between the urgent care and ER and I just can't put out anymore money at this point without having a paycheck yet....lol. No wonder I'm having chest pains. I am feeling a little bit better but still not 100%. The bright side is that I am down to 267. I haven't really been trying much and obviously I haven't been working out.

Once, I have some structure in my life again I will be back. Right now, it's just so difficult. I need structure. I miss structure (I think). Just know, I haven't forgotten you guys. I think about all of ya and hope you're doing well. I will be harassing all of you soon enough :).

I'm Employed!!!

2009-02-12T08:16:00.000-08:00

The Director called me this morning and offered me the minimum that I had asked for and I accepted. I don't know when my start date is but will have to go through a background check, physical and orientation. So now, I can actually enjoy my time off. I have a job!!!!!

The Verdict is in...

2009-02-11T06:46:00.000-08:00

Well, I went there yesterday and was offered the position. I'm not dancing on tables. The first offer was pitiful to say the least. Many would say I should accept it because it's a job. However, it is 78 miles away (one way) and it would make it extremely difficult to look for another job. They offered an additional $3000 a year and still was not enough. The salary that they are offering is $38k below what the median income is for this position. Now, I wasn't asking for what the median was, not even close. I found out the benefit package isn't all that great. There are no paid holidays, you have to use alloted time they give you to take off the holidays, which really leaves no vacation time. Ughh. The job, would however, give me unbelievable experience for my future. So, you see how I am torn? Last night, I was ready to decline the job and my parents even supported my decision. This morning I called the IT director and told him that I was a bit disappointed in what was offered, that I appreciated the opportunity but unfortunately at the salary they were offering I was going to have to turn it down. He told me that he was actually meeting with his boss today to talk about the position. I told him the minimum I would take and he told me that he would get back to me this afternoon.

So, I was offered the job. I declined the job and now I am waiting to hear again. I feel like I am at a used car lot.

Still waiting...

2009-02-09T08:24:00.000-08:00

You were expecting news, weren't you? Well, not quite. I drove the 70 miles on Friday to see HR and was waiting for the phone call to tell me the exact time. The recruiter calls me around 10:30 and tells me that she is sorry but HR couldn't meet with me that day. *sigh. She still legally can't tell me anything but what she did tell me is that this HR interview should have already happened and we are kind of in backtrack mode. Once I interview with HR, it will take 5-10 days for a background check and I will need to have a physical. I hate physicals and of course, I have no idea of how in depth this physical is. From what she told me, I am pretty sure that they are offering me the position and that the HR interview is now just a formality to meet protocol. So tomorrow, is the HR interview. I should know tomorrow! Of course, I know I have said that numerous times already..hehe. However, I do believe tomorrow is the day....FINALLY!

Waiting is almost over....

2009-02-05T14:06:00.000-08:00

Well, I was supposed to find out today about THE job and I didn't get an offer. However, from the crypic talk I had with the recruiter it's all looking good. I have been asked to go to the HR department tomorrow and then afterwards go speak with the IT director. Apparently, he just found out today that HR had to be involved in the process. Protocol is causing the delay. So, it appears that I will probably get an offer tomorrow. I don't really know what HR has in store for me so....

On another note, I did meet someone yesterday. His name is S. I'm not sure exactly how I feel towards him yet. He kind of gave me a hard time yesterday over something stupid and not sure I like that. Anyway, the pictures I saw of him were very nice, a little misleading but not horribly. I'm sure people have said the same about me too. The one problem I did have is he was a little too touchy feely with me an hour or two into our meeting. So, not sure how I feel about it just yet. Time will tell and quite honestly I don't really care either way.

Still waiting...

2009-02-03T07:16:00.000-08:00

Friday came and went and no phone call other than from their recruiter. Maybe Monday, she says. Monday has come and gone and still no answer. The recruiter did call me Monday and tell me that she spoke with the IT Director and he told her that he is comfortable with me and thinks that I can do the job but he has to consider the other candidates. He also told her that he has to meet with his team this week and mull it over with them and for her to call him on Thursday. So I wait...

Today, I am off to see the doctor to get all my prescriptions refilled. Thursday I am off to see the dentist to get my teefers cleaned. Now, I need to make an eye appointment. Insurance will be gone soon. Severance will be gone soon. *sigh

So here's hoping for good news on Thursday or for the 500 other jobs I have applied for in the past two months.

Waiting...

2009-01-30T11:28:00.000-08:00

I am sitting by the phone today. Why, you ask? The recruiter for the job that I applied for called me yesterday and told me that the IT director would be calling me yesterday or today. No calls, yesterday. I assume if he is calling me, he is calling me to extend an offer. If he was not going to extend an offer, again I assume that he would just go through the recruiter.

The recruiter called me a little bit ago to find out if I had heard from him. Nope. So, I sit here and wait. Stressed, excited, nervous....you name it, my emotions are running the gammit.

I have one and half severance checks left, so the nerves are a little bit frayed.

I haven't done much lately in regards to my "diet" but am still holding at where I was. My good intentions to get to the gym everyday went by the wayside. I spend most of my days looking for a job, revising resume to fit the job, creating cover letters, etc. That has been the priority in my life for obvious reasons. However, Monday I am forcing myself out of bed in the morning and going to the gym then look for a job (if needed). My 20 year high school reunion is in July (yikes) and I definitely would like to be about 40-50lbs thinner. I can do it, if I really, really work hard.

So cross your fingers that my phone rings soon with good news, before I lose my mind :).

5:25P Update: Still no phone call *sigh. Recruiter just called again to tell me that it's not a bad sign that he hasn't called. Either way they have to contact her, it's in their contract. She didn't want to call him again and be pushy. Good! I don't want a pushy recruiter that works for them be the cause of me not getting the job. So, as of right now....nada, zilch, nothing.

The interview...

2009-01-23T06:24:00.000-08:00

I had my face-to-face interview yesterday and it seemed to go well. I think that I would get along well with the group, if I was hired. Some of the interview was serious and I am not sure I always gave him the answer he was looking for but did the best I could. One of the questions which I had absolutely no problem answering is, "what really ticks you off".

As I was leaving, I did ask the IT Director if he had any concerns about my abilities to perform the job and he told me no. He had told me that there are three other candidates (bleh) and that I should know something within three weeks. It was at that point, that I did something I haven't done in the past but all these job interviewing tips tell you to do it. I asked for the position. He told me that it was good to know that I wanted the position and he would be in touch. The recruiter called me later and left a message that he told her he was excited about me. It's definitely a good sign but these three other candidates need to bomb now :). I sent out my thank you letters last night, so cross your fingers. I will continue to send out resumes just in case.

Who did I have coffee with?

2009-01-20T11:15:00.000-08:00

Guess what I did today? Give up? I went and met Diana and Natalia for some coffee. I love these ladies. You all should be green with envy :P. Now, if all of you move to Florida we can all go have coffee. I hope we get to do it again soon.

As for my interview yesterday, I apparently passed because I have a face to face on Thursday! I'm definitely nervous because not only will I be meeting with the Director that I talked to yesterday but also the Manager and two of the programmers. The recruiter has already called my references so I think that might be a good sign and she told me that he (the director) had told her that he is glad he didn't overlook my resume. I'm thinking that this is a good sign.

Here is an excerpt from my monthly horoscope...keep in mind my face-to-face interview is on the 22nd.

Your first sign that something good is about to happen will be on the monumental meeting of the Sun and Jupiter, an annual event that I call the "luckiest day of the year." These two will meet in your home sector over the two days, January 23-24. Put a star on both!

You can also expect to see luck with your career at about the same time that the Sun and Jupiter meet over January 23-24.

Your very best career day of the month - and possibly of the New Year - will be Friday, January 23, but you will also feel excitement one day before on Thursday, January 22.

Then, while having coffee with Diana and Natalia, a corporate recruiter from one of the companies that I had sent a resume to called. I am still waiting to hear back from him. Things might be looking up!!!

Funk, no more!

2009-01-19T05:51:00.000-08:00

Ok, funk is over. It has no choice, it must move on. Life is too short and can't waste the pretty :).

I have a phone interview this morning that I am feeling really good about. It's odd in a way. I'm not feeling good necessarily about the interview, but the job. The job has been posted since November so they have had a hard time filling it. I have my theories why but not ready to divulge that yet...I don't want to jinx anything. Do you all believe in fate? I do. I believe things happen for a reason. This job is at a hospital and this hospital is the one my step father has been frequenting, 5 miles from my parent's house. Now, my parents live 55 miles away. Yes, it will be a very long drive for me if I get the job but it probably won't take any longer than when I was driving 23 miles because I won't be driving with the traffic. The secret about this job is it will get my valuable experience in the medical field and I could go anywhere. My marketability will triple, if not more. This is a good thing! My mom is all excited. She thinks if I get the job that I will move closer to them, who knows.

As for A (6pack), he is occasionally talking to me when I ignore him. It's funny how that works. When he no longer gets any sort of attention from me and others are paying attention to me, he comes around a little bit more. It has taken me a bit and I am not totally there yet but if this is what he is going to do, then he doesn't deserve me. He will realize what he threw away when this other woman gets bored with him and I'm not there to pick up the pieces. Last night, he told me that I am way too nice sometimes. Yes, he's right. I told him that obviously being nice hasn't gotten me very far in many aspects of my life. He didn't respond and that's ok. I want someone to appreciate me while I am there, not after I am gone and at one time he did. So, moving on. I don't need his issues.

I want to thank all of you that have left your comments about asshat, it has helped.

The other good news in my life is that I am down a couple more pounds and I am back to the gym today. It's time, again to concentrate on me. This has always been my problem. I spend all my time thinking about everyone else and I forget about numero uno. One of these days, I will figure it out how to make it all about me.

The new me is gradually emerging and pushing the funk out of the way. After my interview today, I will be coming to visit you guys to see what you all have been up to as I have been neglecting all of you lately (nothing personal) . I am missing all of you wonderful ladies.

In a funk..

2009-01-12T08:56:00.000-08:00

Well, I haven't been around because I am in a funk. The last thing I typed here was about having an interview. I had it and think I bombed on it in a few areas. I should hear something this week about it either way. They have a long hiring process so it could take several weeks anyway. Quite frankly, after talking to her it's not a job I would want forever but right now just need a paycheck. I did get some good news over the weekend that my mortage payment is going down about $100 a month and they sent me a check for my escrow analysis. It couldn't have come at a better time, it buys me a couple more months of time, if need be. If it would have come before I got laid off I would have spent it remodeling. So, the news in my life is I am still unemployed and...

I think A and I are done before it even started. For the past several weeks, he hasn't said much to me. He is going through a lot personally and he suffers from major bi-polar, not a good mixture. I have given him his space because I know he just shuts down to deal with things and will not talk to anyone. However, it has been several weeks and quite frankly I didn't know where I stood anymore. I had suspicions he was talking to some other chic in the game we play, which isn't a big deal normally but if you aren't spending the hours talking to me anymore and you are with someone else, I begin to wonder. This "chic" also knew that him and I had something going on and that I was crazy about him but she tried slithering her way in anyway. So anyway, I did talk to him yesterday and his first response to me was why do I need to make this about me. Um, because I am going through a lot too and would like you to be there asshole! He told me he is in shut down mode because of everything going on in his life and doesn't feel like talking to anyone. But yet, him and this chic were talking all night in game last night and logged off together. How can someone go from telling me they are crazy about me to spending hours with someone else almost over night? I don't get it. I'm sure he will be back in normal form but not sure I will be here. Men suck.

5.4 Gone...yay!

2009-01-05T05:45:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note....

Good news, I am down 5.4 lbs this week. Yay, me! I am back to 269.4 and I think I can attribute that to my diet being 90% fruits and veggies this week.

My back is still bothering me a little bit but I'm going to attempt to go back to my Cardio Salsa class tonight to get back into the groove of my exercise.

I have a phone interview tomorrow. Wish me luck! I haven't interviewed in 11 years so am quite nervous but I bought a couple of interview books and have been all over the net trying to prepare for it so hopefully I won't choke!!!

Hope everyone had a happy new year.

It's my new year

2008-12-29T09:17:00.001-08:00

This is just a quick post to let everyone know that I am still alive. Things have been a little rough on my end but I have declared today the start of my new year. I am not waiting for the 1st of the year. Today is Monday, it's the start of a new week, Christmas is over and it's time to get back to where I was.

Short recap on happenings in my life. I have gained a few pounds. I am at 274 this morning *cry. My step father had to be taken back to the hospital and was told that if he doesn't change things he won't live another 6 months. He is permanently on oxygen. I went to help my mother with things because she ended up with a really bad chest cold and I ended up hurting my back so there hasn't been any exercise for two weeks. I am still hurting. I did go to the gym today and walked on the treadmill for 15 minutes but I could feel it so I didn't push it. Last week was the first week I missed my belly dancing class and I hated it!!!

I am still looking for a job and still nothing but I have a lot of leads to check out today so am crossing my fingers.

Things with A are moving along nicely. I adore that man!

Oh, and I decided that I am going to try the Eat for Life the best that I can. I will continue to count points just because I like the accountability of what is going in my mouth.

So, there's my last couple of weeks in a nutshell. I hope everyone is doing well and had a Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate. I hope things settle down in the future so I can come visit all of you and see what's happening in your world. If you are visiting me, comment and let me know that all is well in your world.

Self Inflicted Kick in the Ass

2008-12-18T08:33:00.000-08:00

I have semi-fallen off the wagon. Pull me back! :P

It seems I am busier being unemployed then when I was. How can that even be possible? It could be because I spend almost 10 hours a day looking for a job. It's exhausting. I have been neglecting all my blog comrades and that I apologize. I hope you all are doing well, I haven't forgotten you!!!!

My step-father is still in the hospital but seems to be getting better. He will never be better but at least we aren't worrying about the "do not resuscitate" papers at this point.

I got my Eat for Life book and quite frankly I don't think I can eat like that. This may sound like a cop out and that I don't want to put in the effort but I truly think that I would be setting myself up for a huge failure by following everything in that book. Now, not that I don't think it doesn't have valid points it does. I have gained some valuable insight and I am going to incorporate more of it into my daily routine (oh wait, what routine?). I don't eat enough veggies and fruits. I am guilty! That's where I need to start. Baby steps! Cutting out all animal and dairy products is just not a likeable option for me at this point. I have been horrible with journaling lately. Basically, I have been horrible with everything. I haven't been eating. I forget to. So frequently, I am having one meal a day and some days it is healthy and some days it is not so healthy. I need to get myself into a routine again. I went to the grocery store yesterday and bought a bunch of fruit and veggies and that will be the majority of my meals so I don't have any excuse. I need to give myself a kick in the ass!!! I have been doing good and I don't want to undo everything that I have done.

On a side note...for those of you that may still be curious about the status of A. He is doing well and things are still moving slowly but in the right direction. He thinks I should be beating men off with a stick (yeah, ok..that has never been a problem) so I asked him why he thought that and his response was...

Cause a beautiful, witty, smart, hilarious woman thats also sweet, sexy and romantic should have a line of guys out the door, it just seems strange that you wouldn't have suiters all over the place.

This man....oh my, what can I say...I can't even begin to tell you how many wonderful qualities this man has. He has let me in to the deepest parts of his soul in recent weeks and this man has a beautiful mind and soul and whether or not anything materializes from this online "connection", I am very lucky that he came into my life. He gives me the motivation to continue to improve myself, he keeps me positive, he makes me smile even when I don't want to...I could go on and on but I will save you all the mush :).

Cops, EMS, Christmas....SIGH

2008-12-15T09:34:00.000-08:00

Just a quick entry to let you guys know I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth. It seems I have less time now being unemployed then when I was. Strange! Probably because I am spending all my time looking for a job and doing all the things that have been neglected forever. Last week was not a good week for my goals. I neglected the gym, as well. I only made it one day. I did order the Eat to Live book and want to give it a try. I would love to get feedback from any of you if any of you have tried it!

Things are getting stressful. I am sending out resume after resume with out any luck. I know it's close to the holidays so am hoping that's the reason I haven't heard anything. I found a job today that I am perfect for, let's hope they feel the same!

Yesterday, I woke up to a cop knocking on my door. I answered the door and she said, "I suppose you're wondering why I am here". As a matter of fact! She tells me that someone was concerned about me because they hadn't heard from me in about a week. They had called the police department and explained that I had lost my job and that I might be a bit depressed and it's not normal to not hear from me. She had to go back to her car to find out the name. While she was walking back to her, I couldn't think of anyone that I hadn't talked to. She came back and it was my mother that had called. I had talked to my mother a couple days prior. Sigh. However, my mother had called the night before and said that she had sent some pictures and I didn't call her back. I didn't realize it warranted a return call. The cop called my mother and said that I was fine. After she left, I called my mother and told her I was fine and that I wasn't going to do anything stupid. So, I guess at 37 years old I need to check in every couple of days so my mother doesn't worry about me. She wants a list of my friends and their phone numbers so in the event she can't get in touch with me she can call them to make sure I'm ok. I understand, but damn!

Then this morning, she messages me. My step father was taken back to the hospital by EMS. She was told by the hospital to find his DNR papers. He had emphysema and had a recent stay in the hospital because he continued to smoke (and hide it but not very well, we all knew). He said after the last stay he would never smoke again. The doctor told him at that time it was like putting gasoline on a raging fire. Well, not long after that hospital visit, he was pouring gasoline on the fire. I talked to my mom a little bit ago and I guess he is doing ok but I imagine he will be on oxygen full time now and if he wants to smoke he will have to unhook himself. *sigh.

I can't believe it's only 10 days before Christmas. I am so NOT into the Christmas spirit this year. It doesn't even feel like Christmas. Every one on my block has their houses decorated, except me. I don't even have a Christmas tree up in the house. I think I would be perfectly ok with just staying home alone this year.

I have to say if it wasn't for A, I probably would be slipping into a mild depression but right now he is my shining light.

Routine

2008-12-11T06:24:00.000-08:00

Well, I didn't go to my belly dancing class Tuesday night but it's not my fault! My instructor called me and said she wasn't feeling well and was canceling. I could have gone to the gym anyway but I didn't. I did, however go yesterday and plan on going today so no kicks in the ass are needed :). In fact, my arms are a bit sore today. I've been working the flappys. You know what I'm talking about. I always thought my arms were ok until I went to belly dancing where we use our arms a lot and of course we are surrounded by mirrors. I was horrified to see that I had the flappys. The bit of fat under your arm that continues to wave hi when you have stopped waving hi. The ritual when I go to the gym is to always use the flappy machine (gotta love my terminology) and the hip/thigh machines, you know the one that makes you feel like you should be at the gynocologist. That reminds me of my old gym I had belonged to with my ex-husband. They had that thigh machine placed in front of mirrors. Obviously, a man owned that gym. *sigh.

I ordered the Eat for Life book yesterday. I don't know if I can do it but I'm going to give it a shot. Anyone else try it? Thoughts? How did it go for you?

I really wish I could afford to hire a private trainer because I need someone to tell me what to do at the gym and how much of it. I need a routine that has been given to me. Anyone know of any free sites that give training routines or do you have a routine that has worked for you and want to share? I want routine and need it. I am less likely to skip days if I have a "real" routine.

Yesterday, Shanna gave me an award. Isn't she the sweetest? So I get to pass on the love. These things are always so hard to pass on too because everyone is deserving. Can I cheat and list everyone because really everyone is so deserving. Everyone of you has provided me support, encouragement and kicks in the ass when I needed it. All of you have provided motivation when I needed it most. So, you know what I am...to all of you that visit me and have posted your comments and provided me motivation in the past, this award is for you. I know this is probably cheating but I can't just select a few of you.

1. Please put the logo in your blog

2. Place a link from the person, from whom you received the award.

3. Nominate at least 7 or more

4. Put the links of those on your blog
5. Leave a message on their blog to let them know

Gym, what gym?

2008-12-09T06:40:00.001-08:00

I really don't have anything to report today. I was bad and didn't go to the gym yesterday, which means I missed my class that I really like. See this is what happens when something changes my routine! My whole schedule gets out of whack. Of course, I do have total control over this. I could have made myself get dressed yesterday and made myself get in the car to drive to the gym. Hell, I could have just even walked into the living room and put one of my Zumba DVDs in. Instead, I spent the day talking to A, not a total waste of time but my body isn't going to change for the better doing that (my ass might get wider..YIKES).

I am going to the gym tonight though so I don't need any kicks in the ass. :)

I was asked yesterday if I knew about the new WW program. I have absolutely no clue. I received some emails from them about it but it didn't make much sense to me. I will have to go my online stuff and see if it gives me more info.

Journaling, Goals.........

2008-12-08T08:03:00.000-08:00

Well my goals kind of went to the wayside the first week but I have a valid excuse. I had to horse sit for my parents. They were off taking baby horse to a show and to try to sell her. Although, I wasn't going to the gym everyday I was mucking stalls so that should count for something.

I have been really bad about journaling my points lately. I start off the week great but then something in my routine breaks (going to my mother's) and I stop counting. This must change. I need to stay accountable, that way if things are not going in the right direction I know it's not something that I am doing wrong.

I'm still job hunting *sigh. I hope I find something soon before the stress starts taking its toll. I guess the bright side of that is that I don't turn to food. In fact, I end up not eating which isn't good either.

I hope everyone is doing well and hope to get to visit you today. We will see how the job hunt goes.

Ughhh....

2008-12-02T06:48:00.000-08:00

Well, my gung ho gym idea did not go well yesterday at all. I went to the Zumba class at 10a. My plan was to do some weights afterwards and get to my class at 6p. It didn't work out that way. I got very light-headed in the class and ended up with a migraine for the rest of the day. I don't know if it is because I didn't eat before I went, ended up dehydrated or if the hour long Zumba class is still just a bit much for me. Everytime I have gone to Zumba, I have ended up with a headache so that's not really a good sign. I might have to stick with the 30 minute classes for awhile *sigh and do the Zumba at home.

Anyone have any thoughts on why I would get headaches? I'm at a loss.

It's a new day!

2008-12-01T05:31:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

Today is the start of a new day, new week, new chapter in my life. The good news today is I am back down to the 260s...yay! 269.4 to be exact! Two pounds lost this week. Yay, me!

Here's my plan. In between the job hunting and hopefully interviews, the gym is going to be my job. I am going to get up every morning and I am going to the gym whether it be for a class or to do cardio and weights. I don't have an excuse. My goal, even though it might be pushing it is to be under 250 by the first of the new year. I know I have to work really, really hard especially when my body always fights me but I am up for the challenge. Let the gym rat stage of my life commence!

As for A, aka 6 pack, things are progressing. I don't want to go into too much detail here but he really opened up to me about his fears and how he feels this past weekend. The egg has hatched...now he just has to have the courage to take flight :).

Challenge, Work and A

2008-11-25T09:11:00.000-08:00

First, let me say Andrea did an awesome job on the challenge. She was the biggest loser of all those that submitted their weights. Everyone, including me have had a lot going on in our lives so it has been difficult to keep motivated, enthusiastic and for me to actually keep my updates on schedule the past few weeks. It's the holiday season now which tends to be known for gorging ourselves, so I hope everyone keeps a level head and doesn't go overboard.

Today is my last day at work and no one is here. Everyone is on vacation. Why am I here? I think it will be an early day for me...I mean, really what's the point. I sent out my farewell email yesterday and I had a few very nice responses and a few shocking ones from those that I have been close to all these years. In fact, I am still kind of in shock as I write this. This is a co-worker that I have worked closely with for 11 years and there is a lot of history. He sent me an email that said "it's been a pleasure, good luck". It was like we met last week. I took it personally but am hoping that it was just because he didn't know what to say. What can you say, really?

On the A front....things are going well. It's like an egg ready to hatch. Each day it gets closer to hatching and a new crack appears. It seems each day lately, a new crack is appearing. Yesterday, he IM'd me all day. I gave you the song yesterday. Today he sent me some more lyrics. Here's the IM...

OHHHHH INXS!!!! here ya go honey! This is for you.....

So slide over here
And give me a moment
Your moves are so raw
I've got to let you know
I've got to let you know
You're one of my kind

I need you tonight'
Cause I'm not sleeping
There's something about you girl
That makes me sweat

hahahah.....

Aparently, I make him sweat. LOL. Then later in the evening....

We are playing our game and the conversation was about our characters and I said something to him about him not needing me. He said "but only if you knew". The conversation changed from the game dynamics to personal dynamics. I questioned what he meant. He quickly responded with "nah, nothing forget last statement". I said, oh no, tell me. Then he changed the subject. I asked again because I am one of those persistent types that hates when someone says something and then doesn't follow through. He told me "in all due time, my dear". Fine! LOL....

And this morning, oh yes there's more...

He sends me more lyrics...

A: "Jet City Woman, see her face everywhere, can't get her out of my mind"
Me: trying to tell me something with all these lyrics lately? :P
A: maybe

but then the conversation gets changed...lol....

The egg has more cracks each day.. I think it's going to hatch soon. (YAY!) Damn thing has been incubated for a long time.

Job, Weight and A

2008-11-25T05:35:00.000-08:00

Good morning everyone. My spirits are up, kind of. I am actually kind of ok over the job thing at the moment. Although tomorrow is my last day and I imagine parts of it will be very emotional for me, mostly because of the people. I am kind of hoping that I will find something soon, they won't want me to start until after the first of the year and I can take a month off, start a new job and get severance and get paid at the same time. Wouldn't that be nice? hehe. One can hope.

Things on the weight loss front...not so hot. Although, I am reporting a loss this week but still can't seem to get back to that 269 I saw briefly. Next week! While I am off work, in between sending resumes and doing interviews, I do plan on hitting the gym. This is my chance to really make a difference in my mind and body.

Today, I will be visiting you guys. I feel so bad for not coming around as of late. I also will be going back through the comments and updating the weights and minutes for the challenges so if you have your information and haven't submitted it, go ahead and I will update. Obviously, when this challenge is over I am going to take a break from hosting any for awhile until my life settles down a bit.

My head is still in this, it's just not 100% into it...I need to get it back there. It starts now :)

In other news..you know the man front....because I know you all just want to hear about A and if there has been any progress. No, there hasn't..hehe. Although, over the weekend he almost came out and met with a friend of mine and I. Almost.... He's cracking under the pressure I think. So, he sends me a message the other night. We stayed up and talked until 5:30a, basically until neither of us could keep our eyes open any longer. He told me to listen to the lyrics of this song. What are your thoughts? I am hooked on this song now, by the way. Diana has already given me her thoughts (thanks, Diana).

Mystery Man Revealed...

2008-11-21T06:11:00.000-08:00

Well, it took me awhile but I did find out who the Mystery Rose Man was. FDR wouldn't tell me without contacting the customer. Around 3p, I was on the phone with FDR again and the woman on the other line said she had some good news for me (I don't give up). She gave me the name and I was shocked. It wasn't the A we all know and love (but I do have a short story about him too) it is a different A. I will refer to him as Canadian. Canadian and I have never met. I "met" Canadian in the game that I play several months ago and we play together regularly. He is a super nice guy and is always telling me how wonderful and awesome I am (almost too much). So, he knew that it was my birthday and he also knew that I had been laid off and was in pretty low spirits. He had asked me the day I had been laid off what my zip code was because he wanted to find out if there were any Mac stores in my area to see if they were hiring. He also knew my last name from my IM, so with those two bits of information he used the Internet to get an address which had a wrong phone number. He took a chance on the address and it happened to be correct.

So when I found out I called him a sneaky little shit and then thanked him. He must have gotten a kick out of me telling him about all the trouble I was going through to find out who sent them...the little shit. LOL. He was afraid I would be mad at him or think he was a stalker considering he had to do a little sleuthing himself to get my address to send them. What a nice guy!

So now A knew I got some roses and did ask if I found out who sent them. Yep. He asked who, so I told him. He said to me, "I think he likes you". Yeah I think he probably does. Hint, hint A time to get off the pot :).

So A and I are talking today and I finally ask him what the problem is. Why won't he meet me? I said I don't want to pressure him (he feels like I am) but he has never told me why. Give me a reason. His response....

have you ever had a feeling about a person and then you jump into something and its ruined......the build up to whatever was f*#$* because it was rushed......well I told you I test the waters, I want the build up, if there is one....does that make sense...plus I'm really spontanious...you never know when I will do something off the wall

So, there may be hope still :)

Oh, next week I will be updating all the challenges and getting caught up...right now in resume hell. I have sent out about 20 so far. Cross your fingers for me! And as another side note, I will visit you all and see how you all are doing. I've been pretty self involved lately. Sorry!

Roses and cryptic messages...

2008-11-19T09:20:00.000-08:00

I want to thank all of you for your well wishes. I'm not going to let this get me down, I can't. I need to find a job. I have worked very hard all my life to get where I am today and I refuse to lose it all. I need to apologize to those of you that are in the challenges (again) about not being more on top of things when updating. I am going to do better but I do hope you understand with the current state of my life that I am going to have to discontinue "our walk". I will continue to add up our steps/mileage and at the end of our journey I will figure out where we ended up. I hope you understand but right now my financial future needs to take top priority in my life.

Now, onto a brighter side..I think.

Last night, I came home to a dozen red roses on my doorstep. It was my birthday yesterday. The big present was being laid off. Thanks, I love it! Can I return it? The roses obviously couldn't have come at a better time considering the two shitty days. I rush inside to see who they are from. The card reads, "May today bring some small joys and the year ahead be filled with nothing but promise and happiness - from your friend" WTF? Why the hell can't you sign your name? On the envelope is a cell phone number. I call it. It's a bad number. SHIT! So I'm thinking who would have sent. F? I call him. No, it wasn't him. He feels bad now. This is the second time I have asked him if he sent flowers and it wasn't him...hehe. Oops, maybe he will eventually send some. Hmm, A? I haven't talked to him in over a week. Not sure what is going on with him so no way to ask him. My friend G because he always just sends me stuff out of the blue and always remembers my birthday. Nope, not him either. I ask a few other people, no one is claiming. I start to think maybe it was my boss but red roses? That might be a bit weird. Oh, and for the record whenever I get flowers I always seem to get the cryptic messages, no name. In fact, I thanked the wrong guy once for flowers that he didn't send me so the next day I got a bigger bouquet from the guy that didn't originally send them. So, all last night I am trying to figure out who and whose cell number that could possibly be. A male friend of mine told me last night that whoever it was had to spend between 50 and 100 dollars for them and the liklihood of them not appearing in my life is slim. Ok, good point. So this morning I call the florist. It was done online. Ok...so I call FTD with the order number. They can't tell me. I asked her if she could confirm if I gave a name. It wasn't my boss. I asked if I gave her another name. She said she really couldn't, she could lose her job. I asked her if she could tell me what city. No. What state? No. Could she just grunt if I asked and got it right? No. She told me she could call the customer and find out if it was ok to release the information and call me back. It's almost 1p, I still don't know.

So someone from my past ? Someone with the wrong cell phone number? The mystery continues...

Not a good day...

2008-11-17T19:55:00.001-08:00

Last week while I was out, there was word that my company laid off about 200 people (times are tough) and that there were about 16 from my department. I did not know who was laid off. When I went into work today, I messaged a co-worker and asked her if she knew. She said, "you haven't heard?" No. Our entire testing staff had been let go, some with over 15 years with the company. She was one of them. She asked me what my title was. I told her. She asked me if I had gotten an email about a mandatory meeting. I told her no. We thought I was safe. About an hour later I found out my boss was coming to town. I immediately felt like I couldn't breathe. See, I have been with the company 11 years. We have never had lay offs until last year. The economy has taken its toll and the company is doing what it can to continue to make money. I thought our department was safe considering we have been so shorthanded. Hell, I worked 95 hours in one week a couple of weeks ago and 70 something the following week. I had IM'd my boss earlier in the day and he responded and at that time I asked him, "do we have anything to be concerned about with you coming here today". His response, "no". Phew! I felt better. I told him, "Good, because I was wondering if I would have to pack up my desk today".

Around 2p today, he calls me into the office and another man is in there from HR. Oh shit, this isn't good. Ok, well I think maybe we just have to re-apply for our jobs. My boss' boss is on the phone from home office. He starts reading the "script". Times are tough..blah blah blah. I tune out...this decision is hard for us but...blah blah blah and then WHAM...."your last day will be November 26th". I have kept my composure so far but it's waning. I have been here 11 years. I have put my blood, sweat and tears into this place...literally. HR man, whom I know, goes over "the package" and asks if I have any questions. No. He leaves. I tell my boss that he lied to me. I asked him if I should be concerned and he told me no. He said, no you asked if we had any concerns. He said he know it was symantecs but he couldn't tell me over IM. My old boss, who is my friend also knew but couldn't tell me because that would have risked her job and she felt like a heel not being able to tell me. A friend of mine that left the company knew and didn't tell me. I was totally in the dark. It was very hard for my boss to do. We go back 11 years. He has been there for me through a lot in my life. He had tears in his eyes. He didn't want to let me go but didn't have a choice. All of the managers were given a list of positions to eliminate and I just happened to occupy one of them.

So, as of next Wednesday I am jobless. I am a bit scared and worried about it. What if I don't find a job? I have already started to look and will be updating my resume tomorrow. Hopefully, in the end this will be a blessing in disguise. It's sad. It's the end of an era. I'm sad.

I did go to the gym to try to get away from reality for a bit and did ask them about reduced rates. The Y doesn't turn anyone away because of money because I would like to keep my membership so I have that to fill out. Plans for this weekend....drink!

Time to buckle down...

2008-11-17T05:00:00.001-08:00

Good morning! I had to go back to work this morning, bleh! My scale has not been good to me the past two weeks. It is time to buckle down a bit more. I am back to 273..yikes! I don't understand it! This past week I have been on vacation and pretty much ate NOTHING from Thursday on. Don't ask why, you won't understand unless you are a computer gamer. However, on the same note, I also didn't drink much of anything and sat on my ass for most of that time. I'm hoping that this is a temporary gain and next Monday I can report that all of that is gone plus more. I saw that 269 very briefly and need to see it again.

Despite my scale's dislike for me, I am determined to make it move in the direction I want. This week's goal is to eat more veggies and fruits. I have to confess I have been slacking off in that department. I have also been slacking off in the water department.

So I will update my weight on the blog even though I really, really don't want to. Damn scale!

Guess who I met today...

2008-11-12T13:49:00.000-08:00

Well guys, again I fail you. I won't be able to do the updates until Monday when I am back in the office because that's where my spreadsheets are so please forgive me, yet again.

Guess what I did today? Give up? I met our fabulous Diana, Scale Junkie. We don't live far from each other but we have had a hard time getting together because our schedules are always conflicting but we were finally able to make some time.

If any of you ever get the chance to meet her, you should. She is a beautiful person. We talked for a few hours about everything. Blogging, our struggles with weight, my struggles with men (she already seems to have the perfect man), work which has its own ironic twist. We apparently worked at the same company at the same time many years ago and never knew it. How weird is that? We even know some of the same people. I hope to get to know Diana better. It was extremely easy talking to her and like she said on her blog it was as if we had known each other a long time and just haven't seen in awhile. I had a great time with her just sitting and chatting the time just got away from us. It truly was a pleasure meeting her and I hope that we spend more time together.

Oh, and Diana no luck at Lowe's ...darn :).

Reflection

2008-11-10T06:38:00.000-08:00

We are getting close to the end of the year and many of us started on our "journeys" at the beginning of the year. Of course, it doesn't matter when we started on our lifestyle change. Many of us are not where we want to be, or where we thought we would be. I am no where near where I thought I could be. I have hit numerous bumps in the road, some self inflicted. I wanted to focus on the positive, though. We tend to always focus on what we are doing wrong. We tend to focus on the numbers on the scale, myself included. I am a slave to my scale but I have come to terms with it. We have an agreement. Regardless of what it says, I will not get discouraged. So, my post today is about how far I have come...the things I have learned, the things that I have overcome and how I have grown (mentally) throughout this process.

I have learned that I don't always have to be perfect, that one bad day doesn't need to equal a bad week. This is probably number one for me! In the past (and I know I have wrote about it before) if I had a bad day, I would throw the towel in for the week and then the cycle would start all over again.
I have learned that I don't have to make the best choice all the time. I fight with myself about what I am going to order in a restaurant and I may not always make the best choice but I no longer make the worst choice.
I have learned that exercise classes can be fun.
I have learned that losing just 20lbs can increase my self confidence dramatically.
I have learned that losing even .2 in a week is better than nothing.
I have learned that not all yogurts are nasty :).
I have learned that blogging my experiences on a daily basis or almost daily basis has helped me stay accountable. The support given here has helped immensely, whether they are thatta girls or kick in the arses, they are appreciated.
Today, is my 7 week anniversary of belly dancing classes which means it is also my 7 week anniversary of going to the gym consistently for classes. This is another huge accomplishment for me and a first for me. It's the first time I have stuck with the gym this long consecutively! I did miss my cardio salsa class last night but did go to the gym in lieu of it. I think I might be on my way to being a gym rat. What are the odds?!

So, as I continue down this path to a thinner, sexier self (oh, and healthier..see where my priorities lie?) I want to thank all of you for being there. I am excited about my end goal and want to hurry to get there but I know it's going to take more time and a lot of effort but I am ready and for once in my life I have what it takes. I wish I knew what changed this time for me.

Maximize your Metabolism

2008-11-10T05:03:00.000-08:00

I haven't had much to report lately. I am just plugging along and still working crazy hours so I haven't even had a chance to come visit any of you. This morning I found an article on how to maximize your metabolism. This article was out of Parade by Sara Reistad-Long(have to give credit, ya know). Some of the tips are things that we really already know but we don't necessarily follow consistently.

1. Choose foods wisely. Some foods block the metabolic process, others facilitate it. Sugar and carbs spike your insulin levels. Since your muscles can take in only so much energy at a time, most of what you have eaten will be stored as fat. One reason that alcohol can cause weight gain is that the body processes it first, which slows down fat burning. Rest also plays a role here. When your body is sleep deprived, it produces mass quantities of grehlin, the hunger hormone, driving you to crave more sugar and more carbs. One way to modify the insulin response is to eat more fiber. Fiber can slow the entrance of glucose into the bloodstream.

Hmm, guess that would be why the scale looks worse after my drinking this weekend then before...hehe. Not giving my official weigh in until tomorrow.

2. Pace your meals according to your body's natural rhythm. Having a good breakfast is critical. Fuel that meal with protein (think yogurt and eggs) and not only will you stay full longer- protein takes 25% more time to digest than other foods - but you'll also increase post-meal calorie burn by as much as 35%. Then, since you are most active at midday, make lunch your biggest meal

3. Train in intervals, and focus on building muscle. Researchers found that short, intense bursts of exercise resulted in considerably more fat loss than sustained activity. When you exercise this way, your mitochondria, the little engines in your cells that burn calories, run hotter all day. Strength training also very important. Muscles are your biggest metabolic engine. The more of them you build, the more calories will be directed to keeping them strong.

4. Fight inflammation. Experts are starting to point to inflammation as an influence on metabolism. Inflammation is simply the body's immune response, activated during illness, allergic reaction or when too much glucose, fat or carbs enter the system. Then the inflammatory response switches on, a group of receptors located on the fat and liver cells activate and start redirecting energy toward storage, rather than use. Until the body determines the "crisis" is over, the metabolism will slow down and more calories will go to fat cells.

Interesting. Inflammation is my major symptom with my Lupus. Just another reason to keep my stress levels to a minimum and to get enough sleep.

Challenge Update..it's coming

2008-11-04T08:25:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
Challenge Updates are done! You have to check out the exercise challenge and where we went!

I'm working on the challenge updates so don't fret :P. I haven't totally slacked off! I am going to post my weight even though I don't want to. My weigh in for the week was 217.2 *sigh. A small gain...It's all TOM's fault!! I hate him. He's a #*%(&%! At least Bitchy is napping right now. Shhh, don't wake her. I'm sure she will awaken later today. Luckily, she was still sleeping when I was standing in line for an hour and half at the voting polls this morning while all the retirees (who have nothing better to do all day) clogged up the lines.

Last night was another night I did not want to go to the gym but I did. I went to my class and we had a sub. I didn't like her but it was probably the first time teaching the class. She did ok, but just wouldn't have been my cup of tea. In fact, if she does the class again I probably won't go back. I still got a pretty good work out, out of it but it wasn't nearly as fun as it is with the normal instructor. My back is kind of bothering me this morning too. Belly dancing should help that tonight (or one hopes).

Oh, so yesterday there is a comment on my blog that says:

Oooh. I like the goal recaps. Smart. My name is Dawn Wellington and I love your site! I work for a company that invented a weight loss product (Mary Lou’s Weigh) that recently became available to the public. I wanted to see if I may send it to you (for free) for you to try and then post a review on your blog (if you want). Either way, I’d love your feedback on the product. I know you weigh-in and some people actually like knowing their weigh number - if you do, then this product isn’t for you. However, if you want to track your weight (know how much you've lost or gained) without knowing how much you weigh, then please read below for details. I look forward to hearing from you. About Mary Lou’s Weigh:Mary Lou’s Weigh (named after Mary Lou Retton, Olympic Gold Medalist) is a revolutionary new way for people to track their weight in a non-judgmental way. While Mary Lou’s Weigh resembles a bathroom scale, it’s entirely different -- it never tells you how much you actually weigh. The platform logs your weight and only tells you how much weight you’ve lost or gained. It keeps you aware of what’s working so you can respond before you gain, unlike the “pants method” (track your weight loss or gain by how your pants fit). Mary Lou’s Weigh helps keep your eye on a positive goal. It gives you proven, actionable advice each day and it’s easy to use. The Mary Lou’s Weigh Platform motivates and guides you through an achievable 10-pound weight loss with audible feedback (yes, that’s Mary Lou Retton talking to you), including music, applause, fun electronic tones, helpful health tips, positive reinforcement and daily messages of encouragement. After the 10-pound goal is achieved, the Platform resets automatically so you can either maintain your weight, or go for another 10 pounds.For more information, go to www.marylousweigh.com. Thanks! -Dawn

Now, that all sounds great and I would love to give it a try and give it my review if it was given to me. There is no contact information. Was this just a ploy to get me to the site or was this a legitimate post? Thoughts?

It's Monday again?

2008-11-03T06:06:00.001-08:00

Good morning! I don't have my weigh in this morning. I don't have it on purpose. Last week was not a good week. I was not prepared for the long hours at work, which meant I wasn't prepared for meals, which meant I was not eating what I should have been eating, which means it was not a good weigh in this morning and I refuse to accept it. On top of it, Tom is coming and he is bringing Bitchy and Bloaty with him. Normally, he doesn't bring Bitchy with him. It's usually Depressed that he brings, but it's definitely Bitchy this time and Depressed is in hot pursuit. Oh boy, I just love being a female! I can control Bitchy, I think...but I can tell that she is there. The littlest thing will just #*(%&#*& aggravate me. See, there she is!

I did spend an hour at Zumba yesterday, my first time for an entire class. I thought I was going to need to be hauled off in body bag afterwards. I had my hair up in a ponytail. After the class, I had reached up to pull the scrunchie out and my hair was dripping with sweat. I couldn't believe how soaked I was. Bleh...but that's how I gauge my workouts. The more I sweat, I equate that to a better workout.

I will be updating my weight tomorrow *sigh. I promise I will also update the exercise challenge tomorrow seeing as I was such a slacker last week :).

October Goals Recap
I did ok with my October goals, at least better than I have in previous months. How did you do on yours?

1. Try Cardio Salsa class. DONE
2. Try Cardio Sculpt class. Last Thursday was going to go, but had to work late AGAIN.
3. Try Dance Sculpt class. Never made it.
4. Try Kickboxing. Never made it.
5. Try Zumba. DONE
6. Try the Line Dancing class. DONE
7. Journal/count points everyday! 27 days out of 31

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T06:35:00.001-07:00

I apologize for not updating our exercise challenge but work is kicking my arse. All this week, I have been working 12-15 hour days. I am exhausted. I am afraid that this week might not be a good weigh in week either. I am not happy about it. I am going to try to do damage control over the weekend and get to the gym if I don't have to come into the office.

I will add our numbers that you guys reported this week to next week's totals for our exercise challenge. Again, I'm sorry. Don't flog me :P.

I wanted to leave you with some Halloween recipes seeing as today is Halloween but I don't even have time to really go find a good one *sigh.

Maybe later if things calm down.

Happy Halloween everyone. Step away from the candy!

Belly Dancing = Improvement in Self Confidence

2008-10-29T08:36:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have been going to belly dancing classes forever now but I just looked back into my blog history and it looks like last night was my 5th class. I still feel like a baffoon but the instructor says I don't give myself enough credit. She says I have natural talent. I don't see it. Of course, that could still have something to do with me wearing workout clothes to the class. It's hard to be in the "groove" without the attire. I wear my coin scarf over my gym clothes. Are you getting a visual? Sexy, huh? hehe. Once a month, there is a restaurant that has belly dancers come in and dance. I guess anyone can participate and we are talking about going next month. I am not going to participate, at least not yet. If I was to ever perform like that, that will be a huge thing for me. That might be another fear to overcome someday. I have a feeling as I lose more weight, my self confidence is going to improve (I see it already) and the things that I have feared for so long will no longer seem so scary. I can start really living. It's a shame that I have used my weight as a crutch for my entire life. I still continue to do so but I am seeing improvement. I am excited about really living but one step at a time. One day at a time, one belly dancing class at a time.

What is motivating me...

2008-10-28T07:48:00.000-07:00

Biggest Loser Update: Andrea is still kicking some major butt with a total 6% loss so far. Andrea you also motivate me. Thank you :). I will update the others as I get more data.

I have noticed many of you are losing your motivation. Why? Is it because the holiday season is rapidly approaching? I am such an oddball because usually every year, I lose weight at the holiday season. I just could care less about all the candy and the cakes. Anyway, I digress (as usual).

My motivation is increasing. This is not a normal thing for me. I am not used to it, but I like it. I think I know what is causing this oddity. Want to know what it is? No, it's not A (well maybe a small part of it). It's the classes that I am going to. I never would have imagined that mustering up the courage to go to these classes would lead me to crave them. Yes, I said crave them. Yesterday, I was dog tired and I went home and didn't want to go. Just like the other week, at 5:30 I got up, changed my clothes, went to the gym and did the class. I have not missed a class since I started going. For those of you that haven't tried the classes, have you not tried them out of fear?

Let me tell you. I haven't done many things throughout my life because of fear. I don't want people watching the fat chic. You hear people whispering, and you assume it's about you. As a kid, it usually was about you. Of course as a kid, they weren't as subtle about it. They would yell their nasty names at me, across the playground (I hope they are fat now -shame on me). That stays with you into adulthood. I am sure I am not the only one that has suffered the ridicule of cruel kids and adults throughout their life. Anyway, so that fear of being the center of attention has always kept me from trying those classes until that one day about 6 weeks ago. I haven't missed a class since. If you can muster up the courage, go to one. Trust me, you will find that exercise goes quickly. You will no longer dread going. I dreaded the treadmill. I would rather be hung upside down by my toenails.

Here's what to expect. You won't know the steps. You might be the only one in the class that doesn't know the steps. You may even look like a fool (referring to me in my belly dancing class). What I found, no one is watching you. If they are, so what. They were there once too. I have learned to laugh at myself. The best part, each week it's gets easier. I regret not going sooner! It has helped my self confidence, my weight loss efforts and just my general well being.

If I can do these classes, trust me anyone else can muster up the courage to as well. Is there anyone out there that hasn't gone to any because of the fear factor?

New Bling Baby...

2008-10-27T05:49:00.000-07:00

I have new bling today! 20 pounds baby and into the next decade! Woo hoo! I am doing the happy dance. You have absolutely no idea how wonderful this makes me feel and how motivated it makes me to continue.

I want to thank my thyroid pills, all you wonderful ladies for your support and kick in the asses and Diane for my bling!

So, I just lost a 20lb bag of dog food or 20 boxes of butter (ewwwwwwwwwwww). I must be one of those people that loses a little bit everywhere. F has also lost weight and it's all come off his belly so you can really see it. Me, I am not noticing much of a difference other than I see my thighs look like they are getting toned (YAY!), which could be the dancing classes.

A and insecurites down below...

I am so exhausted. I have been working like a dog, which is my excuse for my lack of participation in the blog world lately. I must apologize for not coming by to visit as frequently but time has just really been an issue. Ok, well if I cut out the time that I have been chatting with A, then I would have more time to come visit all of you wonderful ladies. Right now, A is going through a great deal. His father has cancer and is in the hospital right now and it is killing A. He hasn't said much about it the past couple of days but I do try to keep his mind off unhappy thoughts :). We were up to 5a Sunday morning just talking. The more we learn about each other, the more I want to go to his apt complex and just start knocking on every door until I find him. We still haven't met. His best friend did tell me why and he is afraid he won't live up to my expectations. It's funny, that men tend to have the same fears that we do (or maybe just the same fears that I do). That's one of the things I hate about meeting people that you have met over the Internet....is you don't have that physical first impression. I will say more on it in a sec. Granted, I never went out searching to meet him. He sort of fell in my lap through the game that I play. What are the odds? This is a game played by millions (am guessing the number) all over the WORLD, and here we are...him and I meet by chance and find out we live 30 minutes from each other.

Anyway, I'm just as scared to meet him. I like the way things are and am afraid that if we meet, that will change. I have seen it before. What if he has this unrealistic expectation of what I look like? Am I the only one that has issues with the whole weight thing? My friend C is always telling me I am being ridiculous (coming from the size 2 blonde) but she has never experienced the total shift in attitude when men find out that you aren't that size 2.

I have no idea what my point to this post was..hehe. Anyway, A and I are planning on meeting but we are both kind of testing the waters at this point. His best friend tells me that he really likes me but he has been burned in the past. He is nervous about me, or so she says (I seem to have that affect on men...it's voodoo..LMAO). I am ok with taking it slowly because I know that no matter what we will be friends and he would be a good friend to have (although I think he would make a nice pillow ornament too...hehe). Taking it slowly offers other advantages.. I can lose more weight so I am not as self conscious when I do meet him.

Oh, he sent me this song this morning and told me to listen to it. It's named Am I the One by Beth Hart. Check it out...powerful song and the lyrics are incredible. If you like Janice Joplin, she has been reincarnated.

Challenges are Updated!

2008-10-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

Wow, with all of our minutes this past week and minutes not previously counted we walked about 227 miles this past week. That is amazing! I have to give kudos to Andrea. Not only is she is our biggest loser with a 4.67% body weight loss so far but she also has the most exercise logged (1180 minutes). You go, girl! Mary Fran comes in at a close second with 1000 minutes.

You guys are doing great! Keep it up!

Things that make you go hmmm...

2008-10-20T19:48:00.000-07:00

Either 6pk either has found my blog or we have some sort of strange connection because after my post yesterday, he messaged me about an hour later. How bizarre is that? My 6pk was back last night as his old, flirty self. It was good to have him back and it couldn't have come at a better time. I really needed that.

My mood isn't affecting my weight loss efforts, yay! Although, I have never been one to binge when I am feeling down. If anything, I will forget to eat. I am, however more likely to not go to the gym but I did go to the gym as scheduled for my cardio salsa class. I am very proud of myself. This is the longest I have stuck with something at the gym. Tomorrow (Tuesday) is my belly dancing class, which I have continued to make a fool of myself in, but that's ok. It's exercise and I am determined to one day to get it!

I am going to try to update the challenges but I can't promise anything as I am on deadline at work and it's going to be a long day but we will see what happens. On the bright side I am down 1.4 this week but I am still trying to get out of the 270s and it's killing me to be so close and not get there! This week...it's got to be this week!!! :)

Why the Scale Lies

2008-10-20T05:21:00.001-07:00

I really don't have much to offer today. I didn't weigh myself this morning, I was running late but I should be down a pound or two. My social life pretty much sucks. I had lunch with F on Friday. Him and I are going to do a ghost tour of one of the area's haunted hotels on Halloween so at least one of the holidays this year I won't be alone. "A (6-pack)" should be back at work today and still really no word from him...don't know what his problem is unless he is still extremely busy (but I still think you could pick up the phone for 5 minutes to say hello, but hey that's me). I give up. So, because I have nothing else to offer you today, no words of wisdom, no grand stories of weekend romance, nada...I got zilch. I will leave you with this article (it's a good article).

Why The Scale Lies
by Renee Cloe,ACE Certified Personal Trainer

We’ve been told over an over again that daily weighing is unnecessary, yet many of us can’t resist peeking at that number every morning. If you just can’t bring yourself to toss the scale in the trash, you should definitely familiarize yourself with the factors that influence it’s readings. From water retention to glycogen storage and changes in lean body mass, daily weight fluctuations are normal. They are not indicators of your success or failure. Once you understand how these mechanisms work, you can free yourself from the daily battle with the bathroom scale.

Water makes up about 60% of total body mass. Normal fluctuations in the body’s water content can send scale-watchers into a tailspin if they don’t understand what’s happening. Two factors influencing water retention are water consumption and salt intake. Strange as it sounds, the less water you drink, the more of it your body retains. If you are even slightly dehydrated your body will hang onto it’s water supplies with a vengeance, possibly causing the number on the scale to inch upward. The solution is to drink plenty of water.

Excess salt (sodium) can also play a big role in water retention. A single teaspoon of salt contains over 2,000 mg of sodium. Generally, we should only eat between 1,000 and 3,000 mg of sodium a day, so it’s easy to go overboard. Sodium is a sneaky substance. You would expect it to be most highly concentrated in salty chips, nuts, and crackers. However, a food doesn’t have to taste salty to be loaded with sodium. A half cup of instant pudding actually contains nearly four times as much sodium as an ounce of salted nuts, 460 mg in the pudding versus 123 mg in the nuts. The more highly processed a food is, the more likely it is to have a high sodium content. That’s why, when it comes to eating, it’s wise to stick mainly to the basics: fruits, vegetables, lean meat, beans, and whole grains. Be sure to read the labels on canned foods, boxed mixes, and frozen dinners.

Women may also retain several pounds of water prior to menstruation. This is very common and the weight will likely disappear as quickly as it arrives. Pre-menstrual water-weight gain can be minimized by drinking plenty of water, maintaining an exercise program, and keeping high-sodium processed foods to a minimum.

Another factor that can influence the scale is glycogen. Think of glycogen as a fuel tank full of stored carbohydrate. Some glycogen is stored in the liver and some is stored the muscles themselves. This energy reserve weighs more than a pound and it’s packaged with 3-4 pounds of water when it’s stored. Your glycogen supply will shrink during the day if you fail to take in enough carbohydrates. As the glycogen supply shrinks you will experience a small imperceptible increase in appetite and your body will restore this fuel reserve along with it’s associated water. It’s normal to experience glycogen and water weight shifts of up to 2 pounds per day even with no changes in your calorie intake or activity level. These fluctuations have nothing to do with fat loss, although they can make for some unnecessarily dramatic weigh-ins if you’re prone to obsessing over the number on the scale.

Otherwise rational people also tend to forget about the actual weight of the food they eat. For this reason, it’s wise to weigh yourself first thing in the morning before you’ve had anything to eat or drink. Swallowing a bunch of food before you step on the scale is no different than putting a bunch of rocks in your pocket. The 5 pounds that you gain right after a huge dinner is not fat. It’s the actual weight of everything you’ve had to eat and drink. The added weight of the meal will be gone several hours later when you’ve finished digesting it.

Exercise physiologists tell us that in order to store one pound of fat, you need to eat 3,500 calories more than your body is able to burn. In other words, to actually store the above dinner as 5 pounds of fat, it would have to contain a whopping 17,500 calories. This is not likely, in fact it’s not humanly possible. So when the scale goes up 3 or 4 pounds overnight, rest easy, it’s likely to be water, glycogen, and the weight of your dinner. Keep in mind that the 3,500 calorie rule works in reverse also. In order to lose one pound of fat you need to burn 3,500 calories more than you take in. Generally, it’s only possible to lose 1-2 pounds of fat per week. When you follow a very low calorie diet that causes your weight to drop 10 pounds in 7 days, it’s physically impossible for all of that to be fat. What you’re really losing is water, glycogen, and muscle.
This brings us to the scale’s sneakiest attribute. It doesn’t just weigh fat. It weighs muscle, bone, water, internal organs and all. When you lose "weight," that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve lost fat. In fact, the scale has no way of telling you what you’ve lost (or gained). Losing muscle is nothing to celebrate. Muscle is a metabolically active tissue. The more muscle you have the more calories your body burns, even when you’re just sitting around. That’s one reason why a fit, active person is able to eat considerably more food than the dieter who is unwittingly destroying muscle tissue.

Robin Landis, author of "Body Fueling," compares fat and muscles to feathers and gold. One pound of fat is like a big fluffy, lumpy bunch of feathers, and one pound of muscle is small and valuable like a piece of gold. Obviously, you want to lose the dumpy, bulky feathers and keep the sleek beautiful gold. The problem with the scale is that it doesn’t differentiate between the two. It can’t tell you how much of your total body weight is lean tissue and how much is fat. There are several other measuring techniques that can accomplish this, although they vary in convenience, accuracy, and cost. Skin-fold calipers pinch and measure fat folds at various locations on the body, hydrostatic (or underwater) weighing involves exhaling all of the air from your lungs before being lowered into a tank of water, and bioelectrical impedance measures the degree to which your body fat impedes a mild electrical current.

If the thought of being pinched, dunked, or gently zapped just doesn’t appeal to you, don’t worry. The best measurement tool of all turns out to be your very own eyes. How do you look? How do you feel? How do your clothes fit? Are your rings looser? Do your muscles feel firmer? These are the true measurements of success. If you are exercising and eating right, don’t be discouraged by a small gain on the scale. Fluctuations are perfectly normal. Expect them to happen and take them in stride. It’s a matter of mind over scale.

Recipe Thursday

2008-10-16T06:25:00.001-07:00

Today is Recipe Thursday. I haven't tried this yet but it sure looks good. So if anyone does try it before I have a chance to, you have to let me know how it is.

Southwestern Pumpkin Burgers
Recipe courtesy EatingWell.com

Prep Time: 1 hr 0 min
Serves: 6 servings

Nutrition Info: 331 calories, 13g fat, 45g carb, 12g protein, 6g fiber

Ingredients:
6 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided
1 medium onion, chopped
1/2 cup finely chopped red or green bell pepper 1/2 cup fresh or frozen corn
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
Fresh Tomato Salsa, optional (recipe follows)
1/2 cup canned unseasoned pumpkin puree
1/2 cup shredded Monterey Jack or Cheddar cheese
1/2 cup toasted wheat germ
1/2 cup fine dry breadcrumbs
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
1/2 teaspoon salt
Freshly ground pepper to taste
6 8-inch flour tortillas (soft-taco size)
2 cups shredded lettuce

Directions:
Heat 2 teaspoons oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add onion and cook, stirring often, until softened, 5 to 7 minutes. Stir in bell pepper, corn, garlic, chili powder and cumin; cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 2 minutes more. Transfer to a large bowl; let cool to room temperature, about 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, prepare Fresh Tomato Salsa, if using.

Add pumpkin, cheese, wheat germ, breadcrumbs, parsley, salt and pepper to the onion mixture; mix well. With dampened hands, form the vegetable mixture into six 1/2-inch-thick patties, using about 1/2 cup for each.

Preheat oven to 325°F. Stack tortillas and wrap in aluminum foil. Place in the oven for about 15 minutes to heat through. (Alternatively, stack tortillas between two damp paper towels; microwave on high for 30 to 60 seconds, or until heated through.)

Using 2 teaspoons oil per batch, cook 2 to 4 patties at a time in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat until browned and heated through, about 4 minutes per side. Adjust heat as necessary for even browning. Wrap the patties in tortillas and serve immediately, garnished with lettuce and Fresh Tomato Salsa, if desired.

********************************************************************************

Challenge Updates

2008-10-15T05:40:00.000-07:00

I had my belly dancing class again last night. Every time I think I am starting to get the hang of something, I am fooled..hehe. It's actually kind of funny I forget my left from my right, quite frequently. Last night the instructor tells me to watch myself in the mirror. I can't. How can I watch myself in the mirror and pay attention to what she is doing at the same time? I am addicted and I am going to learn this, if it kills me. It's so bad that when I get home I am walking across the house shimmying to practice. Now, if I start doing this at the office, someone must stop me!!!

I didn't update the challenges yesterday because I was hoping to get more updates but couldn't wait any longer. Both updates are done. Eliana is in the lead with our weight challenge. You go, girl. You are doing great! We started out at the same weight. I am going to have to see if I can kick it up a notch to catch up with you (not sure how, but it sounds good right?).

I thought I was doing good with the exercise challenge, but Andrea claims on her blog that she has been lazy lately (whatever) is leading with 830 total minutes of exercise over 3 weeks. Good job! I have increased my exercise each week but I am stil about 400 minutes shy of Andrea so if she has been lazy, I have been a sloth? Hmm, gonna have to pick that up a notch too!

Challenge Updates

2008-10-14T06:23:00.000-07:00

I had every intention when I woke up yesterday morning to go to my cardio salsa class after work. However, after work I just didn't have it in me. I talked myself out of going to the gym. Of course, this doesn't take a whole lot of talking. I went home, let the dog out and got on the computer and started playing my game. Around 5:20, I turned off my game, got up, walked into my room and put on my shorts, my gym shoes, and a tshirt and took my happy ass to the gym. I forced myself to get to the gym. I forced myself to do the cardio salsa class and I walked out 45 minutes later a sweaty mess and I felt good about it. Wait, good is not the right word. I felt awesome! Not only, did I talk myself into going after I had already talked myself out of going, which never happens, but I had a great workout (thought I was going to need a bodybag there for a little bit).

Anyway, only down .6 this week. I want more but I shouldn't be too upset considering Tom was around with Hungry and I ate things I shouldn't have. I am also still losing and the scale continues to go down every week since I started taking my new thyroid meds. I am just so anxious to get out of the 270s. I haven't been out of the 270s in about 5 years and so badly want out of them (and was only out of them because I had pnemonia)!!! I want to be less than 250 by Christmas. I might have to step up the exercise some more.

I will update the exercise and weight challenges later when there is more to report!

I have no name today

2008-10-13T06:38:00.001-07:00

There really isn't much to report. My eating was out of control last week. Remember, I told you Tom was in town and I forgot he brings Hungry with him too. I am ravenous when Tom is around, the bastard! Other people have chocolate cravings, I just want to shovel food in. It could have been worse. I did try to keep it in check. The problem isn't necessarily the amount of food I am eating, it is what I am eating. I had all those foods that aren't good for you and in moderation are ok once in awhile but not all in one week :). I kept an eye on the scale all week though to keep things in check but then forgot to weigh in this morning.

A is coming back to town tomorrow. A hasn't had one minute to himself since he has been back. I spoke to him yesterday and something still isn't right with him. I can't quite put my finger on it yet. It could be just that he hasn't had a moment to himself. I'm not going to pressure him into seeing me either. In his own time. I'm not in a hurry. As much as I would love to see him, touch him, hug him, I would also love to lose a few more pounds so that little black dress of mine looks even better. Believe it or not, even at 275 lbs I can still look good in a little black dress. It also wouldn't hurt for me to have a few more belly dancing lessons to give him a private viewing :).

Recipe Thursday and more...

2008-10-09T06:16:00.001-07:00

I took last night off from any classes and actually feel guilty about it. I have Cardio Sculpt tonight but not sure I will be able to make it as Tom is visiting and he hasn't been packing light lately. Tom has been bringing the other dwarves with him Bloaty, Crampy, Achy, Sleepy, Weepy, and Unhappy with him.

On that note, here is an email that I am sure many of you have probably have seen passed around before but I love it, so I would share.

Supposedly,

This is an actual letter sent to Procter & Gamble from **** ****, Austin, Texas, regarding their feminine products. . . .

Dear Mr. ****,

I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuardCore(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a period, Mr. ****? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills."

Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo." Therefore, you must also know about the the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants . . . which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful wanted to reach inside my body and and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you f**king kidding me? Does any part of your middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, ****? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local KMart armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong," or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always.

Best,

**** ****Austin, Texas

************************************************************************************

On the bright side or somewhat bright side, I did talk to A briefly last night. He didn't seem himself but I didn't pry. He did tell me that his family and friends have him running ragged so he's probably drained. It was good to talk to him, I have missed him and can't wait until he is finally home, home.

Now, without further ado, Recipe Thursday....

Thai Vegetable Curry

I have not tried this yet but I love thai curry and if you did not know this, supposedly spicy foods rev up your metabolism. This recipe is very low in points if you are doing WW (extremely low) so you could always add some chicken, turkey or tofu to the mix and still have a very low point dinner.

This recipe was prepared by Chef Kevin Bozis for

"Stir It Up in Chicago" event at Kendall College, entitled "A Spicy Asian Journey," in August 2005.

Ingredients
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/4 cup Thai Red Curry Powder
1 large white onion, finely diced
1 red bell pepper, finely diced
1 head cauliflower, chopped
4 medium potatoes, peeled and chopped
1 can (15 oz.) lite coconut milk
1 bunch lemongrass, cleaned and chopped
juice of 2 limes

Serves / Yields
8-10 servings (10 servings = 3 pts per serving)

Preparation Instructions
Make a paste with the Thai Red Curry seasoning and water. Heat a large pot with 2 teaspoons oil. Add the onion and bell peppers. Cook over medium heat, stirring often, for a couple minutes. Add the curry paste and blend. Slowly add the coconut milk, whisking to blend. Add the cauliflower and potatoes. Add the lemongrass and lime juice. Bring to simmer, and cook for 30-40 minutes until the potatoes are done.

My toenails hurt

2008-10-08T06:34:00.001-07:00

I went to belly dancing again last night. First, I am very proud of myself for going to the class a second time after the first humiliating experience. I do think that I did a little bit better the second time around. The instructor told me I had beautiful curves and she felt that I will get the hang of it. I hope she isn't just humoring me. Time will tell. My body aches from head to toe. I seriously think my toenails hurt. I am taking today off from any classes seeing as I have had dance classes for 3 days in a row. I might still go to the gym and do some weights on the arms. I am committed this time or maybe I should be committed, not sure which yet. Shhh, don't tell anyone but I took a peek at the scale this morning. *Looks around, make sure no one can here and whispers, it said 270 :). Baby, it's going to be 269 or less by end of week (I hope). If, in fact I make it to 269, I have not been that weight since I was sick with pnemonia about five years ago and I only saw that number for about a week.

Challenge Update

2008-10-07T06:46:00.000-07:00

It's that time!

It's time for me to update the challenges. I will be doing it later today to allow a little more time to get some of the weights and times in. So far it looks like Andrea is our biggest loser so far...you go girl! I am going to have to step it up a notch :).

Will write more later...

Oh, and I want to talk about this blog following. It seems I can follow some but not others. I don't know why but I want to be able to follow. Is this something we have to set up for people to follow? Anyone know?

OK UPDATE....

May I make a request for those of you that use Blogger? Put the Following widget on your blog. It lets you know who all of your admiring fans are (well if they aren't doing it anonymously) and it automatically tells your readers when there are updates to the blog :). It's a beautiful thing! You don't have to, but it really is such a wonder widget.

How to add the Following widget to your blog

It's really easy to add the Following widget to your blog. First go to the Layout | Page Elements tab for your blog:

Click the "Add a Gadget" link that appears in the sidebar of your layout. You'll then see a popup window with all the different types of Gadgets you can add to your blog. (The Following widget will initially be experimental, so some users may not be able to add widget.) Look for the one called "Followers" and click on the blue "+" icon:

Ok, more later ....

Ok, I'm back!

The exercise challenge update and the Biggest Loser Update is done! Mary Fran is kicking some butt with exercise!!! I need to kick mine up a notch but I am for it. I have classes planned for almost every day this week!

The Music Will Lead You...

2008-10-06T04:52:00.000-07:00

The music will lead you...that's what the instructor kept telling me throughout the class on Sunday. Sure, it will. What she didn't realize is that I have two left feet, possibly three. I went to the line dancing class or AKA torture class. I figured it wasn't going to be much of a workout, but I thought it would be fun. I was totally wrong. I was drenched in sweat by the time we were done. I couldn't even tell you what dances we did in there, my brain turned to mush after the third or fourth one. We did do the Mambo and a little bit of Waltzing at the end. As we shuffled, weaved, grapevined across the floor she continued to tell me the music will lead me. Lady, this music isn't leading me anywhere! She told me that the music is shy and doesn't know me yet but when it gets to know me, it will lead me. hehe...sure it will...lol. I must have looked like a buffoon. Whatever. I am getting to the point that I don't care what I look like in these classes. I am not there to please anyone else.

After 75 grueling minutes of tripping all over myself and the 70 year old women in the class feeling bad for me (how is that for an ego booster?), I decide to check out the Zumba class immediately following this class. I only had intentions of sitting and watching a few minutes to see what it was all about. I ended up doing a bit of Zumba for about 20 minutes until I could do no more. My head was pounding, my heart was pounding, my hips were hurting, I was thirsty and if I continued I was going to need a body bag. 95 minutes was enough!

By the way, does anyone know what kind of shoes I should get for gym floors? Mine kind of stick to the floor, which could be contributing to my two left feet. I need something that glides better.

Today, my body hates me. Yesterday when I weighed myself the scale looked good. It was showing about a 4lb loss for the week. This morning only .2! Damn scale!!! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!!! :) The bright side is it is still going down and I am happy about that.

In other news...I am mad at A (well, not really but...) I haven't heard one single word from him since Tuesday when he had sent a message saying that he was in the States. I know he is with his family right now and it's probably pretty hectic. I really didn't expect to hear from him but was kind of hoping. *sigh. I miss him. I figure maybe next week when things start to calm down for him (I hope), he might get some time to get in touch with me.

Long drive to work has its benefits

2008-10-03T06:19:00.001-07:00

I never thought there were any advantages to driving 23 miles one way to work. However, I am finding that there is one. I have the privilege of having 5 different YMCAs to choose from on my way home. Yes, I said FIVE! You know what that means?! I will have plenty of choices when it comes to the classes that I am deathly afraid to take. You are probably asking why I am deathly afraid or maybe you already know. I don't like to be the center of attention. I have always had this fear that people are watching me and they are saying to their buddies, "Hey, look at that fat chic". I think the reason why I have this fear is because as a child, they were saying it. I could hear them taunt me. It never goes away. So, over the years it has kept me from doing things that I have wanted to do in the fear that someone would be watching me thinking "OMG, look at the fat chic". Prior to this blog, I would have never said this to anyone. Granted, it's not like I am saying it out loud to my best friend but I am telling you. That's a start. Anyway, I have this horrible problem of getting sidetracked! Back to the Y. So, I have 5, yes FIVE Y's that are on my way home. Some are out of the way, but not so out of the way that it would be a problem to get to. My goal this month is to try the classes. I know that if I could just get over my inital fear to get into the class and go a few times, I would stick with it. It sure beats the treadmill. If I can make a fool of myself in the belly dancing class, I think I can almost withstand anything. This weekend, I am going to be going to the line dancing class which goes over all genres of music, that should be a lot of fun and may take the zumba class right after (two hours at the gym..woo hoo). I have printed out all of the schedules and circled the classes I want to try and if I end up going to all of them. I will be living in the gym ...lol. If by chance I actually ended up doing all this, I will melt down to nothing in no time (or one could hope anyway) :) Mondays: Cardio Kickboxing, Cardio Salsa Tuesdays: Belly dancing Wednesdays: Zumba Thursdays: Cardio Sculpt, Zumba Friday: Cardio Kickboxing, Zumba, Dance Sculpt (hmm, scheduling conflicts here) Saturday: Horseback riding Sunday: Line dancing, Zumba

Recipe Thursday

2008-10-02T05:05:00.001-07:00

See, I told you I would get back into the swing of things :P

Today is ....

Pineapple Cranberry Pork Roast
...and it is made in the crockpot!

Ingredients
1 (3 pound) pork roast
1 20 ounce) can crushed pineapple, undrained
1 (1 ounce) packet dry onion soup mix
1 cup dried cranberries
2 Tablespoons flour
3 Tablespoons water

Instructions
Place pork roast in a 6-quart crock-pot. In a medium bowl mix pineapple, dry soup mix and dried cranberries; pour over roast. Cook on low heat setting for 8 hours or high heat for 4 hours. Remove roast to serving platter and increase heat to high (if necessary). Whisk together flour and water and blend into pan juices; cover and cook for 15 minutes. To serve slice roast, whisk pan gravy to blend well and serve with sliced roast.

Notes: This is a nice change from the usual pork roast. The pineapple and cranberries really accent the pork roast and make a nice, chunky sauce for pouring over mashed potatoes or egg noodles.

Number of Servings: 8 - 10 pts per serving

Zigging instead of Zagging

2008-10-01T05:23:00.000-07:00

I had to ask my boss the other day if I could come in late yesterday and work late. He didn't have a problem with it. He really doesn't care what I do. I am pretty close with my boss so I told him that I will be taking belly dancing classes on Tuesday evenings. He commented on
entertainment for the Christmas party. Great! Two margaritas in each hand, a slimmer body and belly dancing experience sounds like a deadly combination.

So, two co-workers (T & L) and I head to the belly dancing class last night. There are 8 of us besides the instructor. Most have been there a long time. One started the week before. T has been going for a couple of weeks so she had a bit of an advantage over L and I. All I can say is that I am glad that the class was not taped. There is no evidence! This was supposed to be a beginner's class but it seemed like we jumped right in. I want to learn how to move the hips first before I start moving across the room, moving them! How the heck do you shimmy? Then, we had to shimmy and walk. I couldn't even shimmy much less walk while shimmying. After the class I asked the instructor if there was a tape that we could get to learn the basics and she told me that we are in a beginner's class and that she didn't exactly follow that format last night. Gee, thanks! I almost wish I could see a tape simply because I know I looked like a complete bafoon! She was turning across the room (I have no idea what the correct term is) and I would end up facing the wrong direction. I should have zigged, when I should have zagged. It was a mess. I know the other girls were laughing at me, on the inside. I did order a belly dancing basics tape last night on Ebay...hehe.

I told F that I was taking classes, he wants a private showing. I told him to bring dollars :). He no longer gets the privilege of having free showings...hehe.

Oh, how could I forget! Last night at 10p , A (my 6pack...notice the "my") sent me a message (darn, it I missed it) that he was in the States and would be home at about `0:30 this morning. So, in about 2 hours, he will be about 30 minutes from me. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Exercise Challenge..where did we go?

2008-09-30T07:30:00.000-07:00

Wow, as a group we walked (well, you guys did..I wasn't much of a contributor last week) approximately 66.5 miles. That's a lot of mileage!!! You have to check out the status to see where we are! I am excited to see where we will be next week. This is a lot of fun for me. I want to thank you guys for participating. It keeps me motivated.

You guys did great with the weight challenge too! What a great first week! For those of you that haven't gotten in on it, you are more than welcome to join. Some friendly competition never hurt anyone :) We only flog you at the end of each week.

Did you guys see the comment left on my blog yesterday?

Hello. I am a university professor who is conducting research on WEIGHT LOSS BLOGGERS AND THE ROLE BLOGGING HAS PLAYED IN THE BLOGGER’S WEIGHT LOSS. As you may be aware, a lot of research has been done over the years on weight loss but very little has been done on blogging and weight loss. I hope you will help me remedy this.I have chosen you as a potential research participant because you have a weight loss blog, have a weight loss goal of 100 pounds or more, and have been blogging for at least three months.If you choose to participate in this study, you will be asked to complete a survey that I will email you. Your answers will be completely confidential and I will use a pseudonym of your choice in the final study.I have an information sheet about the study I would be happy to share with you. Please email me at aldridga@nsuok.edu if you would like to take a look at it.Thank you for your time and best of luck to you on your weight loss journey.Sincerely,Amy Aldridge Sanford, PhDAssistant Professor of Communication StudiesNortheastern State UniversityTahlequah, OK

Hmm...might have to check that out. What will it hurt right?
In other news, I haven't heard from A this morning so I am hoping that's a good sign that he is on a plane somewhere (one that works)!

Weekly Weigh-In, Challenges

2008-09-29T06:15:00.000-07:00

I am down 1.2 lbs this week. Yay, for me! I will be updating our weight challenge as I receive updated. The exercise challenge update will be done on Tuesday mornings. Any late comers that submit their weekly results after I have updated will be credited to the following week's results. I am excited! I wonder how far we walked (I should say I wonder how far you guys carried me this week cuz not much physical activity for me).

My bathroom is almost totally complete so I will be showing off those pictures soon.

Despite the weekend being a bit rough with my mom going to the ER and poor A still stuck in Iraq, things are good. A is still there as of this morning. In fact, I have been talking to him all morning. The plane is broke. They have taken his room, his belongings, everything so now he is not only stuck there but he is homeless (in his words). The poor guy is literally going insane. He told me this morning, "they have to get me home, I'm going to start walking around with my #%%# in hand talking to it.....while slightly drooling on myself". I couldn't help, but laugh my ass off at him.

Oh, I went and saw Nights in Rodanthe and I have to tell you it pissed me off. I am not going to tell you about the movie in case you have plans on seeing it. All I can say is that it really pissed me off!

Bleh Weekend...

2008-09-28T05:19:00.001-07:00

It's early Sunday morning and I have been anxiously awaiting to hear from A, at least hoping to hear from A. I didn't even know if I would hear from him when he got into the States or not. I checked my email this morning from my phone, while in bed (I know I am pathetic) and there was an email from him. I was so excited, until I opened it. He is still there. He hasn't left! In his email, he says his flight keeps on getting pushed back and is now pushed back to Monday, then he says, it will get pushed back then too. He has given up. His last sentence to me was, "I am so *#%^ depressed". I feel so helpless. As I read this, the tears came (seeing as I am very emotional anyway) not because he isn't home but because I can "see" his pain and I can't do anything for him. I can't say or do anything to help him through his pain. I just want to reach through the computer and wrap my arms around him and never let him go. *frown

I was able to talk to him for a couple of hours on the computer then and help take his mind off of it or at least I hope so. He is due to leave again tomorrow if the flight doesn't get pushed back again. I hope for his sake it doesn't. I don't know how much more he can handle mentally. I worry about him. He told me that one of the girls that was also heading home had a dream that the flight they were scheduled to take crashed so maybe it's a blessing in disguise that it was postponed. Everyone cross their fingers that he gets to come home tomorrow.

Then, yesterday my mother calls me around 7p and tells me that she is in the emergency room. Why? She tells me she has really bad pains in her left side so they are doing CT scans and they suspect the galbladder. I asked her when she went in....get this, 2 p! I asked her why she didn't call me. She didn't want to worry me. *sigh. They did that same thing when she was unconscious with the head injury in the trauma unit at the hospital. Anyway, it turns out that everything is ok. They sent her home with pills. They say it is colitus. Have no idea what causes that or what but I guess she is ok. Phew...

Breaking News

2008-09-26T05:42:00.000-07:00

I had a post all figured out for today but it has left my brain completely because there is breaking news!

A is coming home!

I should also mention that I have found our starting point of our "vacation" AKA exercise challenge. You can see our starting point by checking the status link (above the posts).

Did I mention that...

A is coming home!

The bad news is I still probably won't be able to see him for a couple of weeks. He has to go through the whole release from the military, then off to spend time with his family but at least he will be in the same country and same state. Yes, 6pack will be in the same state within the next 48 hours so you ladies in the same state as me...HANDS OFF, HE'S MINE ....hehe.

Might be time to go buy a new outfit :)

More talk about challenges

2008-09-25T05:49:00.000-07:00

The challenge is on. Those that have commented that they want to be involved have been added. I will start the roster for the exercise challenge sometime today, as well. I will also get together our route for our exercise challenge...where we are going. If there are any requests for our trip, please feel free to throw in your requests.

I have really been slacking on the whole Recipe Thursday. I will get my act together soon. Promise :).

The winners of the last challenge should be receiving their winnings sometime this week. They were mailed yesterday, finally! Sorry, it took so long, but I hope you like them!

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More Details...

The weight challenge starts, well now and runs through Monday, November 24th, 2008. There is no time limit to sign up. To be part of the challenge, just comment on the blog that you want to participate and your starting weight. What are the rules, you ask? Each week, come back and visit. Leave me a comment with your weekly weigh in. It doesn't necessarily have to be on Monday seeing as not everyone weighs in on Mondays. Near the top of the page, you will find a link to the challenge status with everyone that is participating. Make sure to visit your fellow bloggers for support and motivation. The number one rule... have fun!
Promote the challenge to others.

How it is going to work?

Each week when I receive the weekly weigh-ins, I will update this blog with the percentage of weight lost. We are not using pounds because some have more to lose than others. Percentage of body weight is the key.

What do I get if I win?

You get nothing (insert Gene Wilder's voice from Willie Wonka)..hehe. J/K. You get a pat on the back? You get the admiration of all us other "losers"? You never know there might be a prize waiting at the end. It will be a surprise.

Exercise Challenge

If you want to participate in the exercise challenge, it will be similar to the weight challenge. Each week you will provide me with the number of minutes you exercised during the week. This doesn't necessarily need to be just exercise conducted in the gym, etc. If you were outside weeding your garden for 2 hours, count it! That's exercise! Pressing the remote control button does not count. Use your own good judgement. I would like to see this turn into a friendly competition among us..however, don't overdo it either and cause yourself any injuries. Now, to make it a little more interesting and fun each week I will convert our minutes into miles. We are going on vacation. We are going to walk across the country and at this point we have absolutely no idea where we will be stopping along the way. This could be a lot of fun....so if you would like to get involved and go on our virtual vacation, let me know!

Challenges!!!!!

2008-09-24T04:36:00.000-07:00

The Challenge...

There are two..there is the exercise challenge and there is the weight loss challenge. The weight loss challenge will be like the one I hosted before with the exception of prizes (sorry!). There may be something in it for the first prize winner. Time will tell. Surprises are always fun! Let me tell you something, my scale is going down everyday so I am going to be giving you ladies a run for your money this time :P. So here's the deal. We will start this week, and we will go 8 weeks. Each week, when you weigh in (it doesn't necessarily need to be Mondays) comment on my blog and I will update the stats. I am going to work on some bling, as well. I need to get the creative juices flowing. I need more coffee for that :). So ladies (and gents, if there any) leave me a comment tell me want to join us and let the friendly competition begin!

The exercise challenge will work similar to the weight challenge. Each week comment with the time exercised in minutes. Which one of us really is the gym rat? (I know it's not me...hehe). Each week, I will compile the number of minutes and convert them to miles walked and we are going on a trip. We are starting in Florida seeing as that's where I live. Where do you want to go? Shall we hike to Alaska? Should we try to visit everyone in the challenge? We will take the scenic route and take some pictures along the way. This could be a lot of fun! Want to join? Let me know in the comments!!! It starts now and will last for 8 weeks.

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I have been having issues lately. Self worth/esteem issues. Things have been bothering me that wouldn't normally bother me. Last week F and I had a conversation that hasn't left my head. A comment he made to me just slapped me in the face repeatedly and of course, he had absolutely no idea that it did that to me. Last night I emailed him and shared with him my deepest, darkest secrets because above everything else he still is my friend. I explained everything in my screwed up head. I brought up the comment that bothered me and why it bothered me. Anyway to make a long story short, he messaged me last night and it turned into probably one of our best conversations ever. He knows what issues I am dealing with and why I have those issues or at least the theory I have behind those issues. Although our issues are different, they are similar and affect our self worth. He told me last night that I am a beautiful person inside and out and that any man would be lucky to have me, just some are idiots sometimes (he must be referring to himself..hehe). He told me that he just can't seem to let go of me, it's another issue of his. He said he can't love anyone else, until he loves himself and he is working on that. What a cliche'..but he's right. So it was a really good conversation and I think we have actually grown in some ways...not towards getting back together or anything like that..just grown. Hard to explain. Last night I was thinking about these issues that I am having...then I realized this self esteem/self worth crap phase that I am going through..just started. I am not normally like this...it's the medicine!!!

I should be happy...my scale is going down every day. Literally, every day its going down. Today it was 272. yay. A is coming home at some point and he is a sweet, sweet man that has potential. My bathroom is being remodeled. My roommate is gone. F and I are friends. Bills are getting paid, not a whole lot of money leftover but am doing ok so far. Nothing to be upset about, right? So WTF is my problem?

So, I just need to some how keep this in perspective that it's got to be the meds making me feel this way and keep it in check.

Challenge Changes?

2008-09-23T05:26:00.000-07:00

You know after my posting yesterday, I got to thinking. I know don't run for cover, it will be ok. I promise nothing will explode. Many of you don't live in the US, so doing a challenge until Thanksgiving doesn't really work for you. So, I am changing the rules. Yes, I can do that because it's my challenge and there are no prizes anyway. I want some feedback before I go any further.

Would you like to do something like we did last time with the biggest loser? Also, include an exercise one? What are your thoughts? I am ok with doing all the tracking but I want people to get involved, challenge each other, friendly competition....talk to me.

In other news...

I woke up to an E-card from A. Can we all just say aww, all together now. :) It was just a card that said "I was just sitting here thinking about you, so here's a virtual kiss". Short and sweet and it made my morning. It's just nice to know that someone is thinking about you. The little things have always mattered most to me. That man just needs to come home so we can see, just see. *sigh.

Thanksgiving Challenge

2008-09-22T05:41:00.000-07:00

How about creating your own personal challenge and compete against others for motivation?

Thanksgiving Weight Challenge

Thanksgiving is approximately 8 weeks away. How much do you want to lose by Thanksgiving? Sometimes it helps to write our goals down to make us more accountable, especially if we give our goals to someone else. Friendly competition also seems to help some of us.

Want to participate? Just give me your current weight, the weight you want to be and each week, just comment with your new weight. Let's see how much we can lose!

So, I will start it out...

Thinking thin: 275.2/259

Thanksgiving Exercise Challenge

Want to participate? How much exercise do you plan on doing between now and Thanksgiving? Just give me your goal in minutes and each week give me your total number of minutes of exercise. Let's see if we can get some friendly competition going? Any takers?

So, I will start it out...

Thinking Think 1200 minutes (yikes)

Kate 1600 minutes

My Update

Weighed in at 275.2 today so it was a good week. I ended up losing 2.6. I am stoked! I know I am repeating myself but since I started taking my new thyroid pills and this Topomax I am feeling better and gaining motivation back. The weight is coming off with little to no effort. Now, if I put effort back into it, there is no telling what I can accomplish, at least that's my theory right? Now, that I am starting to get my house into a little bit more order I am going to head back to the gym today. Don't get me wrong the house is still a warzone but it's not nearly as bad. Pictures will be coming soon :).

I haven't talked about A lately but he is still stuck in Iraq and still as sexy as ever. *sigh. They keep giving him dates to come home and then changing him. It is killing him. They told him the other night that he might be able to leave this Friday. Now, it looks like that will change again. For pete's sake, don't tell him anything until the day before. They are literally killing him inside. They are draining the life from him.

F and I still talk. In fact, not this past weekend but the weekend before he had asked me if I wanted to do something on Sunday. I told him sure. He told me he would call me when he got up and we would get together. By 2:30, I didn't hear from him. I texted him and asked if he was alive. He said he got preoccupied with homework and working out. I was pissed. I told him "maybe" we would get together another time. This past Friday we spoke and somehow we got onto the topic of our relationship together and he said "You had to go and fall in love with me and that complicated things" I was taken aback by that statement and actually it hurt. I asked him "so it was all one-sided?". He said no. I told him that he made it more complicated in his head than it really was and that he wouldn't have to worry about me ever falling in love with him again. I am sure he didn't mean it to come out the way I took it but it was a slap in the face to me, a hard one. Despite everything he is a good man with a lot of issues and I am not sure he will ever be ready for a relationship and if he is, it won't be anytime soon. He is not comfortable in his own skin yet. I will still be his friend...but him and I will never be, at least not in the foreseeable future and I am ok with that.

I'm Walking on Sunshine...

2008-09-19T04:57:00.001-07:00

It's finally going down...after nine months of struggling. The numbers on the scale are falling! I weighed myself this morning and I weighed 275. Quite honestly, I haven't put much effort into it in the past three weeks either. I have watched what I ate (somewhat) but I have noticed quite a difference in my appetite. It's actually quite strange. I am starving, when I am hungry. Ravenous. I could eat anything. The problem. My eyes are bigger than my stomach. For example, yesterday for lunch I had a BLT, minus the T and french fries. I know, I know. It wasn't exactly healthy. I was full after about 1/2 the BLT. Now, the problem. I continued to eat. I should have stopped. I need to work on that. I think there is this sub-conscious thing about wasting food and/or money. I'm not sure...need to dig deeper. I think I can contribute this new appetite thing to the Topomax. Prior to taking it, I wouldn't have felt full until close to the end of the french fries.

I am noticing in the evening, that I just really don't need a big dinner. I am having a sandwich around 6p and that's it for me, for the evening. I think that my new Synthroid and this Topomax might have just been the answer for me. I wish I would have seen the doctor sooner.

Hopefully, things will calm down a bit next week so I can get back into the gym and things get back to a normal chaotic. There are some classes I want to try out.

I also want to do another challenge. Maybe, both a personal and exercise challenge. I need those to keep myself motivated. Stay tuned for more information. I should have more information on Monday.

A super quick update

2008-09-17T07:40:00.000-07:00

A quick update....it is hectic here.

My house looks like a warzone. My bathroom is totally ripped out. My main bath that I am using right now is a mild warzone. I can use the shower in it, I am brushing my teeth in the kitchen sink and doing my hair in the bedroom.

Work is beyond hectic.

I finally found a yogurt I like..yay!!!! It is WW cheery cheesecake. 1 pt baby!

I am going to try to come and visit some of you today to catch up. I apologize, I have been super busy lately with the house, work and everything in between. I didn't weigh in this week but it looks like things are still going in the direction I need them to be....yay. I think the meds are helping!

Oh, and the BLC winners. I am still waiting on an item or two. I should have them in the next day or so. You should get your winnings by next week sometime!!!

Sorry for the rambling but a quick post!

No Title Today...

2008-09-12T05:11:00.000-07:00

I really have absolutely nothing constructive to talk about in regards to healthy living. I haven't gone to any WW meetings yet. It seems they have moved the one that I was going to go to so now I need to find another location with a time that is convenient. Next week. Next week, I also plan to get back to the gym, with or without headache. I am going to muster up my courage and take a class. I really think that if I take a class, I will enjoy it more.

I have really been doing everything half ass the past couple of weeks. It's time to get my ass in gear, my head in the right place and start journaling again. I bought all the right foods at the store. I've been eating them, I just haven't been journaling them. The key is writing down everything.

So, seeing this is the end of another week. This is the end of another half ass week. Monday morning will be the start of a new week, a new beginning and a re-energized me!

Recipe Thursday and other ramblings

2008-09-11T05:28:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have a recipe today...well, kind of. I have been really busy and did come across one the other day that I wanted to share with you but as usual I got sidetracked and forgot about it. So today is an easy one for all of you that can't cook, don't like to cook, don't cook. It's really not a recipe, you'll see.

So let me tell you, I hate yogurt. I despise it but it's good for you and we should try to eat what's good for us, right? So, here's what you do.

Cheesecake

Fat free vanilla yogurt - one lg container
sugar free/fat free cheesecake flavored jello pudding mix

Mix the dry jello mix and yogurt together. Tada! You have cheesecake and it tastes pretty darn good!!! Easy, huh?

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In other news, everyone that has come into my house I have them go into the guest bedroom (ex roommate's room) and make them smell it. I know cruel and unusual punishment. I want to make sure it's not just me. It's not. It really does stink. So let's see the carpet cleaner guy, my best friend, F, the remodeler guy and the pest control guy all say the room F*(#&%# stinks. My remodeler guy was there last night and told me I am going to have to tear out the carpet and probably will have to bleach the concrete because the stench has probably permeated the concrete. Today, I need to go get an estimate for carpeting *sigh. I could probably live with the stain but I can't live with stench. I haven't decided how I want to persue it with the roommate other than sending a bill as an FYI knowing full well I will never see any money. I know if I took her to court it's not going to ruin her credit anymore than it already is and it's only going to cost me more money and headache than it's probably worth. However, I am going to make it very clear to her that she is a nasty slob. The remodeler offered to drop the nasty carpet off at her new place...hehe. That would be evil. I like it :). Ok, now that I have that out of my system (that is going to make me sick...it is stressing me out). I have exciting news. No, it's not about 6pack :(. 6pack has been really busy lately. I don't hear from him much when he is busy :(. They also extended him again :(. Ok, I digress..back to the exciting news!!!

I mentioned remodeler, right? I am finally going to get my bathroom remodeled. YAY!!! My bathroom currently is surrounded in powder blue tile (vomits) and the vanity top is this blue/vomit mix color with a cracked/chipped sink. It did have blue butterfly wallpaper on the walls. I tore that off at one point and there is still the glue on the walls. I will have to take pictures of it. It really is disgusting. He is going to gut it. There is a wall between my vanity and my toilet and we are removing that so I can have a bigger vanity (yay) and totally just taking everything out and getting all new. He is giving me a great price too. I can't wait to show pictures!! So hopefully by the end of next week I will have a new bathroom. He had gone out into my garage and noticed that I don't have a dryer vent that leads to outside. He said he would even make me a vent as a bonus. I like this guy. Well, as long as he doesn't take off with my money. I had to give him a large deposit..yikes! I did tell him if he takes off with my money I will hunt him down and kill him :). I always make it very clear to contractors that I am usually very easy to deal with until you screw me. Screw me, and I will become a bitch FAST and you will wish that you didn't do business with me :). Thank you mom for teaching me the ropes...hehe.

OK, enough rambling. I really am super busy at work...lol.

I have a headache...

2008-09-10T05:07:00.000-07:00

My goals are going by the wayside again. Some of it is motivation, but truly the biggest problem right now is my head. No smart remarks. My neck is killing me, which in turn gives me killer headaches. I have had a headache for a month now, maybe longer. Some days are worse than others. It is very hard for me to want to go to the gym or do much of anything when I want to take a chainsaw and cut my head off. Hmm, wonder if I use a hacksaw if it would count for activity points. Anyway, I need to probably call the chiropractor. A few years ago, my two left-most fingers on my left hand were numb all the time. I went to the doctor and they told me it was something with the ulnar nerve in my elbow, kind of like carpal tunnel but in the elbow. They did surgery to move the nerve over. I have a lovely scar on my elbow now and still have numb fingers. I learned to deal with it. It's not nearly as bad as it used to be. It had gotten so bad that it hurt to run cold water over the tips of my fingers. By this point, my mother told me to see a chiropractor. I had always been reluctant to see one because of the all the horror stories and the thoughts that they aren't real doctors, etc. However, I am more inclined today to probably take a more natural approach to things. What this Adonnis told me (yes, he was absolutely gorgeous and very married) was that your neck is supposed to be curved. Mine is straight. I had some bone spurs in my neck, which would cause the numbness in my fingers. Anyway, I think it's time to go back. I can't take this headaches anymore. I can barely function. I am popping Ibuprofen everyday and I don't like taking medicines. I want to get back in the gym seeing as I am paying for it. Anyone else suffer from anything similar and have a magic solution to the headaches?

Now, on to the drama...the roommate. Oh wait, the ex roommate. I say that with a HUGE smile. She texts me last night asking about her deposit. I told her I mailed her letter yesterday. She asked me how much the check was for. I told her she wouldn't be getting one back. Well, that turned into several more text messages, very scathing text messages from her telling me that if I was going to screw her why didn't I just let her leave instead of her cleaning the bathroom and vacuuming the bedroom, etc. Basically, she was telling me that if she would have known she wouldn't get any of her deposit back that she wouldn't have cleaned up at all. Now, if she would have taken care of things she would have gotten her deposit back. As it is, she has cost me money. There was brown goo dripping from the walls. There was dried blood on the back of the door (I assume from her dog). She had overstuffed the closet so much the closet doors are off their track and the paint has been scraped off the top. Those need to be sanded down and repainted. The corner of my nightstand had been chipped. There is a run in my berber carpeting. There was blue ink on one of the walls. There were several stains in the carpet and the stench, I can't even explain to you. She doused the carpet with Pet Fresh (you know, those powder carpet fresheners to mask smells) so now it smells like a wet stinky dog that has been covered in Pet Fresh. I had someone come in and professionally clean the carpet and he did a great job. However, he wasn't a miracle worker. The stains are still there and the stench is still there. The stench is so powerful, Febreeze can't do anything with it. I am going to have to replace the carpeting and she thinks she is going to get her deposit back? I don't think so. If anything, I am sending her a bill.

My body confuses me...

2008-09-08T05:13:00.000-07:00

My body confuses me. I did absolutely nothing last week in regards to counting points, exercising, etc. I tried to watch what I ate but if I was in the mood for something I ate it. I ate when I was hungry and probably sometimes when I really wasn't. There were days when I was ravenous, and would end up having a burger for lunch. Oh yeah, that reminds me I was craving beef last week. I had a couple of burgers. I even had fast food twice. So definitely not my typical on the wagon week. The funny thing is, I lost weight. I lost 2.4 lbs. It makes absolutely no flipping sense to me. Unless of course, maybe my new thyroid meds or the Topomax is working?

I am finally biting the bullet and heading to a WW meeting tonight. I am going to go for as long as I can financially afford to do so.

Not Good, Not Good at All

2008-09-05T05:01:00.000-07:00

For those of you that don't live in Hurricane Alley, you probably don't pay much attention to these storms. For those of us that do, when a new one develops most of us are glued to the news watching each update to see where it's going and when. Ike, has a new projected path. According to newscasters, Ike is headed to my doorstep. This is not a good thing. I think I will wait on that remodeling. If Ike hits my house, I wonder if he will take requests to only hit the bathrooms and the kitchen. Please leave the rest of the house alone .

I have no other updates. No 6pack updates, no F updates, no exercise updates..in fact no exercise, no health updates. Oops, just rememebered yesterday was Recipe Thursday. I am slacking!!!

Another Challenge?

2008-09-04T04:56:00.000-07:00

I have to get something off my chest. This has nothing to do with our healthy lifestyle changes, 6pack or F even. This has to do with that mother that killed her baby by putting it in the microwave. I just read that she was spared the death penalty. I am sure there are probably some that don't believe in the death penalty, that is fine. We all have our opinions but this woman put a baby in the microwave and she escaped the death penalty? WTF? Some people should just not breed. I can't tell you how much this pisses me off. (tells myself to breathe).

Ok, moving on...

It seems there is some demand to do another challenge. I am up for doing another one. Ginesa offered to put up a gift certificate for the next winner, but quite frankly do we really need prizes? I just would like a break for a week or two before we get started again. I also think that this one was a bit too long. Would it be more motivational if we were on teams? Or every man or in our case woman for herself again? Your thoughts? Maybe weight shouldn't be the ultimate goal...maybe it's the number of minutes of exercise or number of days sticking to your program....give me your ideas. What do you want?

and the Winner is...

2008-09-03T05:11:00.000-07:00

Not me!

Lynn, took first place in the Bloggers' Biggest Loser Challenge with a total of 11.86% body weight loss! Great job, girl!

Our second place winner was Ginesa (9.90% body weight lost) and third was Manuela (8.65% body weight lost). You guys did absolutely awesome!

Now, for the exciting stuff! Prizes! Oh, and by the way I am changing the rules at the last minute. I can do this because it is my contest :). I was only going to give out two prizes but seeing as Manuela and PTG are so damn close, I am giving a third.

Lynn, gets first choice. You get to put a picture, artwork, whatever you want on one of the following (I will give you the specs in a separate email). PTG, then gets second choice, then Manuela.

Congratulations, ladies! You worked hard and did awesome!

For all you other LOSERS out there, you did great too! I, unfortunately was the big gainer :(. I will update the status sheet and leave it there for the remainder of the week.

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I have updated my goals for September. Let's see if I can meet them this time! I was doing great with the exercise until I got sick and just haven't gotten back at it. I have to get my head back there again. It's just so frustrating and so un-motivating not to see any results when I do everything right. I lose my steam. This is how I have always lost my steam in the past. Why exert the energy to watch what I eat and go to the gym if the results are the same as if I don't watch what I eat and don't go to the gym? I know I can't think like this but it's hard. I struggle with it every day. I desperately want to lose weight. I have wanted that since I was 7 years old or earlier when all the kids started teasing me. I have been really good about taking my thyroid pills and my new Topomax so am trying to be patient. I am also going to start trying to get to the gym 5 days a week. Maybe that's what it is going to take for me. Maybe I am not one of those that can go 2-3x a week. Grrr, that pisses me off too. I just want you to know that. Ok, so I am done whining, venting, feeling sorry for myself or whatever the hell I was just doing. Time to make myself some reasonable goals.

Weekend News

2008-09-02T05:07:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had a fabulous Labor Day weekend. It was an interesting weekend for me. Let's start with my weigh-in, shall we? I am at a whopping 280.2 lbs. That should put me at the top for being the highest gainer in my challenge. You know, that really isn't what I had in mind when I decided to do this...lol. It's ok,though. I'm moving on. I'm taking my meds, I am going back to the gym today, it's all good. Get your weights in so we can start talking about prizes!!

Now, onto the good stuff. Roommate is gone. History!!! What an ordeal that has been!!! She has had all month to move stuff. Whoever her new landlord is allowed her access to move her stuff during the month. You would think that you would move some of your things as you could so you didn't have to do it all at once, right? No. On Sunday, she started moving. Mind you, this means packing too. Then, she says to me "I am off on Tuesday, I can come clean then". I think I looked at her in shock. I said "XXXX, no it does't work that way. Today is your last day here, it needs to be done today. " That didn't go over well. Quite frankly, I didn't care. Don't clean, you don't get your security deposit..simple as that. So, instead she was there until 3a Monday morning moving/cleaning. Her idea of cleaning the carpet was to put an entire container of Pet Fresh carpet freshener down and vacuuming. Let's disguise the stench for a little while. Monday morning I get up and access the damages in the daylight. I need to hire a professional carpet cleaner and pray that the carpet comes clean. The carpet was new when she moved in. It it disgusting now. Now, the stench in the room is a mixture of stale body odor, dog odor and pet fresh. It is not a pleasant smell. The bathroom was never perfect so I could really care less about it as I am repainting, caulking, and all that other stuff in there anyway. It was so nice to be able to get up and just walk through the house naked (sorry for the visual...lol).

Now, onto the better stuff.... :)

Oh, where do I start 6-pack or F. I will leave 6-pack for the end..haha. F helped yesterday with picking up a vanity at Home Depot and we had lunch. It wasn't strained, so it was nice. Last night we talked and I told him that I have been doing some soul searching. Basically, that I will always care about him but I have come to the realization that we will never BE. He told me that he misses me but he knows he needs to close old chapters in his life to move on emotionally. He also told me that he knows that he is sometimes screwed up between the ears...hehe.

6pack..I don't even know where to begin. He wrote some more poems that were written for me about me. He has such an amazing way with words. I am anxiously awaiting his return. Of course, even when he gets back I won't be able to see him right away. *sigh He will have to go through all the evaluations, then he will be spending time with his family so it might be another two months.

His best friend emailed me over the weekend and told me that I scare the shit out of him...lol. She said not in a horror movie kind of way, but in the sense that I make him feel things he thought were dead inside. She also said that he told her that his writer's block is gone now and she attributes it to me. She thanked me. She said I might be the best thing to happen to him in a long time. That was probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

So there's the juice of the day...

Thoughts about the Scale and other ramblings

2008-08-29T11:18:00.001-07:00

I didn't really have anything to blog about today other than 6pack. I know how sick you guys are of hearing about 6pack :P, so I wasn't going to blog today until I got this in my email.

I subscribed to a tip list at some point regarding weight loss and occasionally there are some good tips and this is the one from today that I wanted to share.

Don't focus on your weight loss, focus on making these simple lifestyle changes every day. Did you know you always get what you focus on? If you think about your weight all the time, you'll get more weight and it will be harder to lose it. If you focus on making small lifestyle changes, enjoying your life, being happy and following the suggestions in this guide, your weight loss will be almost automatic.

It hit me, maybe I have been so obsessed with the scale that it is hurting me. I weigh myself almost every morning so for starters, I will only do it once a week. Baby steps, ya know. Maybe there is some unconscious thing going on that I don't realize.

Ok, I have to share this because it is driving me nuts...

This came from 6pack the other day. This has been what I have been mulling over. Some of you already have seen it and told me what you thought. I hope you all are right :).

Tribulations of a poet in black ink. With him, trying to express into words of his love. Writing one minute, blank the next. Can he explain to her, or will she see? Poems line his soul, on paper, in thought. Where his words inflect her. Who is this poet that walks in fear? Will he ensure her of himself with these words? Can he finish this poem, or has it just begun?

This man has my stomach in knots. Oh, and the good news is his boss might be trying to get him home even earlier...yay!

Any thoughts?

Recipe Thursday

2008-08-28T05:08:00.001-07:00

Yes, today is Recipe Thursday. I know you are all waiting for more dirt on 6pack, none today :). I am still mulling over a poem he wrote and sent me yesterday. So moving on ...

Today is a breakfast recipe, seeing as breakfast is usually a difficult meal for me seeing as I hate oatmeal. I try it and try it and try it with the hopes that one day my tastes buds will jump for glee. Each time, I vow that I will never dry the paste again.

Oatmeal seems to be a miracle food in some ways. Those that eat it every day seem to lose more weight. It could be coincidental. So, on the WW forums someone gave me a recipe to try. I haven't tried it yet, although I do plan to when I get the ingredients on my next shopping trip.

And here it is...

Oatmeal Custard
(not sure who it actually came from, it's been passed around - WW member)

Ingredients:
1 egg
1/2 cup uncooked oatmeal
1 cup fat free milk
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp Splenda
1 tsp FF vanilla pudding mix
Optional 1/2 cup berries Instructions

Instructions:
Mix all ingredients together and bring to heat over medium heat until thickened. I like to add 1/2 cup of frozen blueberries. It's a dream! It's also a pretty big portion.

Ok, Ok, here it is!

2008-08-27T05:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, Ok, here is his picture. I am sorry to disappoint but you won't be able to see the abs but I am totally in love with his arms. I told you it wasn't a very good picture. If you are seeing a very "thin" 6pack it's because you missed the real thing :).

I got an email from him this morning about his evening. There is a girl over there that all the guys give a really hard time to about being there. She doesn't belong, blah blah blah. He sticks up for her. She invited him over last night to watch a movie. She then proceeded to tell him that he is just so easy to talk to and approachable. She then tells him that it is something in his eyes. He said it made him super uncomfortable. I think she is making the moves on him, the little tramp...lol. I don't have any claim to him but damn it, leave him alone! LOL

The doctor wants to try me on that Topomax. It is fairly expensive so I am going to do it through the mail order pharmacy. What's nice is that it is also being prescribed for headaches these days and if there is a side effect of weight loss, I'm all for it. The more the merrier :).

Oh, BTW those that asked for a special viewing seeing as they lived on the west coast..email me. LOL.

BLC Update

2008-08-26T05:16:00.000-07:00

We have one more week for the Loser Challenge. Next week, after all the weigh-ins I will calculate total poundage lost. I think, we will be amazed. Of course, I won't help that total any. I am hoping that I can at least be less than what I started at *sigh.

So far, our winners (this could change by next week) are going to be Lynn, PTG and Manuela and not necessarily in that order.

I was doing a little research yesterday online about slow thyroids and weight problems and came across a medical site that mentioned a few pills that doctors prescribe to help with weight loss. One of them is used to treat epilepsy. The name of is it is Topamax. A friend of mine who I work with lost a bunch of weight while she was taking epilepsy medication. I asked her if it was the same. Hmmm....wheels start turning. I found that many doctors are starting to prescribe it in low doses to help with weight loss. I might ask my doctor about it today. I know some of you are probably going to give me a hard time about it (that's ok). I need something to give me that jump start. This playing with the same five pounds for 8 months has really gotten to me. I will have the week where I finally feel like I passed the mark, only to be right back there the following week. My body is just not letting go. I even looked up lap band surgery yesterday but I don't think I could ever do that. I am pretty vain so am deathfully afraid of extra skin.

I go back to the doctor's today and am hoping maybe she can help me out with this, either with recommending a nutritionist, telling me to cut further on points, giving me a pill that might help, anything.

I will keep you posted.

P.S. 6pack is doing well..sends poetry to my phone the last couple of mornings :) Some of you have been asking about pictures of 6pack. Right now I only have one and it's not a great picture, he is goofing off with one of his army mates. If I was to post it, I would only post it for a little while simply because I don't want someone to come across my blog, see his picture and know him and tell him about the blog. Does that make sense? I know it is probably unlikely but weirder things have happened.

So here's the deal tomorrow I will post the picture from 8a-9a EST. :)

Scales suck

2008-08-25T06:49:00.001-07:00

I didn't like the scale this morning, so as far as I am concerned I am ignoring it until tomorrow.
Last week, I ate what I wanted though and didn't go to the gym so won't be surprised if I am the biggest gainer. Oh well. What can you do, right? I will just keep plugging along.

I am going to try to give it a jump start this week though. I made a huge salad last night with cucumbers, carrots, onions, almonds and chicken breast. I brought it into work this morning and plan on having salad for lunch everyday this week. Maybe WW is giving me too many points and I should be eating less? I wish I knew the magic number! Now, that I am on the upped dosage of Synthroid, I hope that helps. Of course, I really don't know how long it takes for it to really kick in.

6pack...oh my what can I say about 6pack other than if I get my hands on that man, I am not letting him go. I will be one of those psycho women handcuffing him to my bed. Oh wait, that's another story for another blog (j/k). This man is absolutely incredible. Of course, I am also a bit cynical (as I should be). I am getting text messages from him now and they are just so incredibly sweet. Is it possible that there are romantic men in existance? or is it one of those things where they are telling you all the things you want to hear and then *bam it's gone once they have you hooked?

I'm not dying after all...

2008-08-22T04:51:00.001-07:00

I actually was able to get some sleep last night. I woke up numerous times during the night but I wasn't tossing and turning. Huge progress! I am starting to feel better too, so I am on top of the world (it must be because it is Friday).

I did finally hear back from my doctor yesterday regarding all my tests. Boob smashing = OK, kidneys/bladder = OK, Diabetes = negative, Lupus panel = OK, thyroid = not ok. My thyroid is still very low. They have yet to get me in the right range, although I am closer than I was years ago. When I first was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid the number was 192. Sounds like a high number, right? The high number to me would suggest that I had an overactive thyroid but they do funky things in medicine. The "normal" range is between 0 and 5 although all the research I have done shows that 2 is closer to optimal. They have now upped my synthroid to 200mg. Everything else was fine on my blood tests except my triglercides. She said it was borderline high at 174. From what I have read that could be because of the low thyroid. Hopefully, with new thyroid meds I can start seeing some results on the scale. The past week, I haven't counted points and have pretty much ate what I want (within reason), so it's time to focus again! Now, that I am feeling a bit better it's time to get back in the gym too!

9 more days to roommate being gone, about 35 more days for 6pack to come home and about 35 more days for F to get his head out of his ass..hehe. However, I will tell you a little secret. If 6pack and I hit it off (which I am thinking we will) , he wins. I care about F and will always care about F, but I'm not sure he will ever be ready to give me what I need from him. 6pack can give me what I need and seems to want to give me what I need. He would also look damn good on my pillow. I did not just say that. Shame on me...:P

Days of Mung...

2008-08-21T05:24:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry I didn't have the loser challenge status updated by yesterday but didn't go into work as I still have the mung. As soon as I am finished writing this post though, I am going to get it updated.

I am cranky today. I'm not sleeping well because of the mung.

I stop at 7-11 this morning for coffee and the line tends to back up in the mornings for the register. I am trying to get to the coffee and these two women are standing there in the middle of the aisle way and don't move over. I said excuse me. They just looked at me. I did say excuse me again, a bit louder instead of "get the fuck out of my way" :). The woman started to do her head/eye roll at me but she did move about an inch over. You know the roll that some women do. Thanks lady! Then of course, another guy is in the aisle where the coffee is, just kind of standing there with no purpose. Do you think he moves to one side to let people get through...of course not. Just let me get my coffee, then take up all the room you want.

So now, I am at my desk and one of my co-workers comes in. Everyday she is the one that comes into my office to bitch about something and I just sit and listen and nod my head. Today she comes in to give me shit. She tells me that my timecard is in the safe. Ok, thanks. Oh, but that's not it. She then proceeds to tell me that last week she passed them out because I left them on my desk. We get them almost two weeks ahead of time. I was busy. Get off my back! I have been passing them out for the past 2 years and everyone has gotten paid, right? She says, "I don't know why you are even the one that is getting them". Oh, because it is such a job of honor to pass out the timecards. I didn't ask to be the one responsible for them. Please by all means have someone demote me from the timecard passing out job! I am so tired of her holier than thou crap. We have had words in the past when she gets into the Queen mode and I haven't been the only one.

Just step off. Don't mess with a woman that is sick, hasn't had good sleep in days and TOM is visiting. Talk about the perfect storm?

I am not prepared for Recipe Thursday, so I am slacking on my duties today and I am willing to bet none of you are going to give me shit for it either, are ya? :P

BLC Update

2008-08-19T05:02:00.001-07:00

I really don't have much to report. No hurricane or tropical storm. We have been spared again. I didn't even bring my trash cans in last night. I had kind of hoped that the tropical storm would come our way so I could take a day off work and get some sleep. Tropical storms are just a nice breeze. I didn't sleep well last night because of this stupid sore throat so am going on minimal sleep again.

I had thought about not even writing about F here anymore, but sometimes it helps to write things out and I have already brought him out in the open, so what's the difference.

F sent me a text last night telling me to be careful today (because of the storm). I am actually kind of surprised I heard from him considering the way we left the things on the phone the other day. In the 8 months that I have been "seeing" him, I had never been mad at him before and we have never fought. I told him to take care and hung up. I am not making any effort anymore. I am tired of putting forth the effort. I know many of you think that I should have stopped putting forth effort a long time ago and that's ok. As I have said before, he is a good man and is worth the effort but not until he can deal with his deep rooted issues. I don' t know if that will ever happen. So, in the meantime it needs to be about me for once. It never is about me, it's a damn good time for it to start being about ME.

Now, if I could just feel better (you know, like being able to breathe) I could get to the gym!

Some of you left remarks about 6pack yesterday that just made me smile. I don't know what will happen with him, if anything but I am doing my patriotic responsibility by keeping his spirits up while in Iraq. :) I know that was a stretch with the patriotic ramble...hehe.

Now, what if..this is a big if...what if F gets his head out of his ass and figures out that he just threw away something wonderful at the same time that 6pack comes home and wants to date me. Hmm, what will I do? I have never been one to date more than one at a time but I might have to make an exception cuz I will have to date 6pack just to see if he really is "Noah".

Oh BTW, today is the Blogger Challenge Update and I will be updating those later. I just wanted to see if there were going to be more weigh ins before the update. I think maybe the challenge went on too long, people are losing steam (or maybe it's me losing steam). I think I will host another (no prizes) but not right away. I think we need time to give this one a rest first. We only have a couple more weeks. Go ladies!

For me, not having much to report this turned into a long post of rambling.

It's Monday again?

2008-08-18T05:02:00.000-07:00

Bleh, it's Monday again. I didn't weigh myself this morning. Of course, I really relaxed on my eating last week. I didn't journal. I didn't exercise. Some of it was because I wasn't feeling very well, the other part was I just didn't feel like it. I don't know that this week will be any different. I am kind of waiting to hear what my doctor says. I did get results from my smashing and prodding. Both X-rays came out fine, so no worries there. Yay! Now, I am just waiting on bloodwork. Over the last several days, I have cut down my green tea consumption way down and that has seemed to help a great deal. I am not getting up 5x a night anymore.

I am dragging ass today though. Now, that everything else seems to be going ok again, I started getting a sore throat yesterday and spent most of the night coughing even after taking some cough medicine. If it's not one thing, it's another. Phooey! I feel ok other than a sore throat and being tired as hell. I wanted to try a class at the gym this week but not sure if I will get there tonight or not. It was cardio salsa. I will let you know how it goes when I finally make it to one.

I have to give an update on 6pack. We talked online for hours yesterday. This man is absolutely amazing. Have you ever seen The Notebook? Remember Noah, the man we always wish we would find? 6pack is Noah. Now, of course I do have this cynical side (the 20 years of dating men has done that...hehe) but any woman would be lucky to have 6pack in their life. 6pack is currently a part of my life but not in any romantic sense, although the flirting is definitely there. It appears that 6pack may want more. The best thing is...he is emotionally available! Ladies, they do exist!

So let's see...F is more like the guy from King of Queens (who by the way pissed me off yesterday..but that's another story I am not going to get into right now). 6pack is Noah. 6pack writes poetry, 6pack believes in romance, 6pack is starting to sound like a much better choice more and more...lol.

Awards

2008-08-15T05:36:00.001-07:00

PTG gave me a blog award. Thank you, you are such a doll!

We are supposed to nominate 7 other people. I, however can't nominate just 7. I tried in the past. All of you bring something to the table. So, not because I am lazy in choosing 7 but because I don't want to (throws tantrum). I want to give it all to you. Quite frankly, if you come to my blog for my dry humor you deserve an award for that. You all are phenomenal women that give me inspiration, motivation, moral support, a kick in the ass, laughs and the list goes on and on. So here's to you blog ladies! (insert Budweiser commercial voice here).

I have been really busy at work so again I apologize for not commenting on blogs but I will get to it :).

Recipe Thursday and current state of mind

2008-08-14T07:06:00.000-07:00

Ruh roh, just realized today is Recipe Thursday. I might have to wing it today because yesterday kind of screwed up my timeline. I didn't realize it was Thursday until I logged into Blogger.

I am in pretty good spirits and not stressing out too much over whatever my issue is. No use stressing, right? Not much I can do about the outcome. I have mentally prepared myself for any bad news (kind of). I was talking to my mother the other night about it and she tells me that I shouldn't be looking on the Internet for possible problems because I just get stressed about it. She is probably right. I wish I could be more like her and just not worry about it until you get the news from the doctor. I am the one that goes searching for every possible problem with my symptom and expect the worse, hope for the best. F didn't see me online yesterday and texted me late yesterday afternoon asking me if I was mad at him. I messaged back telling him I was at dr's office all day. He called me last night to see if everything was ok. Awww, brownie points for him. Then this morning, he messaged me to see if I was feeling any better. Awww, more brownie points. See when you become less available, they become more available. It's funny how that works.

Oh, and I promise I will update the challenge status later today!

Oh and another thing (these darn afterthoughts), the scale is playing with me again. It shows me 4lbs down. Cross your fingers for me that it will show that on Monday when I do my official weigh in....the little bastard.

Ok, onto a recipe. Hmm, let me think. Ok, I made this recently, it's fairly low in points, very filling and cheap to make.

Package of Butterball Turkey Sausage
7 pototoes
2 green pepper
1 onion
2 tbs olive oil
Seasoning (your choice)

I cut up everything into small pieces and throw in a pan and until potatoes are browned and cooked all the way through. I use it for breakfast, lunch or dinner and it makes a bunch. I want to say about 7 servings and about 7 pts for each serving.

Poking, prodding, smashing..oh my

2008-08-13T07:52:00.000-07:00

Last night before going to bed, I took the 4 tbs of castor oil as I was instructed. That was nasty. It was like having a glass of vegetable oil for dinner. This morning I head to the first appointment where they plan to drain all my blood from my body (or at least it looked like it from the multitude of tubes laying there). Then, the lady with absolutely no personality gives me a cup to pee in. Hmm, shouldn't be a problem. I am only peeing 30-40x a day. It was a problem. Great, now I have to tell this nasty woman that I am not able to pee in the cup. I drink some water. Still nothing. #*(%& So I ask bitchy lady can I just take it with me and bring it back or come back after my next appointment. No, you can not. I will have to write on the paperwork "unable to void" and you will have to come back. Oh for pete's sake lady, what the hell is the big deal. I am not doing a drug test, I am giving you my pee to find out what is wrong with ME, not my neighbor. So needless to say, my doctor will probably be upset with me now.

So off I go to the boob smasher and the kidney prodder. This lady was nice for the first 10 seconds, then she changed. She was manhandling my boobs and quite frankly just not very nice or comforting. Luckily, my breast contortion didn't take very long and I could get dressed again to walk across the hall to get undressed again. This time though, I got this fashionable paper gown that opens in the back....mmm sexy! This lady was very nice, probably because she kept stabbing me with the needle to inject the dyes. Apparently if you miss the vein or go through it, you start to feel a stinging sensation. I felt, just that! I don't have the most cooperative veins and the bitch blood monster from earlier had already tapped the good one. Now, she has put a hole in the other decent one. She is now asking for help from the others. They move to my other arm. Another hole in the vein...still no worky. Now, they move down to my forearm and inject the dye there. Picture this...I have wads of cotton all over my arms taped up. Looks like a drug trip, gone bad.

So, I am home now. I was supposed to go into work but quite frankly after the castor oil, the dye, the smashing, the poking, the prodding I am not feeling very well. On the way home, I was starving (because I had to fast) and quite frankly, didn't give a damn how many calories, how much fat or how much fiber was in what I ate. I picked up one of those pizza for ones from Dejourno, or however you want to spell it. I look at that calories now...*#%& but again right now I just don't care. It could have been worse, I could have gotten the full size.

So now I wait...

P.S. I will update the blogger challenge status tomorrow.

Tuesday - Post 2 Dr Update

2008-08-12T12:31:00.001-07:00

Well, I went to the doctor to find out why the hell I have to pee about 30x a day, including getting up 5-6x a night (which by the way I am getting pretty fed up with). I am 1/2 ready to just sleep on the flipping toilet.

So, I tell my doctor all my woes..the peeing, the 9lb weight loss over night with a 2lb gain for the week, my fatigue, my smoking...all of it. So, tomorrow morning I am going to be poked, prodded, boobs smashed, warm dye going through my veins, you name it..it's being done. I had to pee in a cup, which normally is a problem. Not lately, I can pee in a cup probably every 1/2 hour. They found microscopic traces of blood so they are going to do a culture. She asked me if I have ever had kidney stones. Nope. I am also not feeling any pain, so I assume it's not a kidney stone (God, help me if it is!) I asked her to do a full workup on my thyroid instead of just the TSH to make sure we are in the right range. We have never gotten to the right range. She is doing cholesterol, she is doing a Lupus profile. It is quite possible that my Lupus is starting to give me issues. It has never involved my organs, I really do pray that it's not starting now. She will be checking for diabetes. Can't forget the other test, I get to put my boobs in a vice for a baseline mammogram because I am 36. I have never had one, but I don't imagine it is all that fun. Then to top all of that off, I have to go to the store later and get castor oil. For whatever reason, I need to take 4 tbs of castor oil tonight before I go to bed. Yummy!

*sigh...time to use the bathroom again.

Scales are Evil

2008-08-12T04:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not happy! The scale is evil; very, very evil. Earlier in the week it teased me and said "Wow, you are having an awesome week, I am going to show a 9lb loss". I skipped the movie popcorn, which is very difficult for me, almost impossible and I have a 2lb gain this week. WTF? It was my perfect week on paper and the scale hates me. It is the work of the devil! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. OK, my tantrum is over. It will be gone next week, so not going to stress about it too much.

I am going to the doc today. For the past month or so, I am constantly having to use the bathroom. It has gotten so bad, that I get up 5-6x a night (you would think I would be burning a crapload more of calories for as often as I have to go). I never had to get up in the middle of the night before to use the bathroom. It's ridiculous. I am getting crabby because, obviously I am not getting good sleep. I don't know what is wrong...whether it's me drinking tea (did that before), bladder infection that I am not aware of, diabetes (YIKES) or my Lupus has finally gotten a hold of my kidneys..so many worries.

So wish me luck!

It's Monday, bleh!

2008-08-11T04:58:00.000-07:00

Morning. Not a whole lot to report here. I didn't get a chance to weigh myself this morning, so tomorrow will be my official weigh in. I went and saw Pineapple Express yesterday with F. It was hilarious and I am happy to report I did not get any popcorn for the movie. That is a HUUUUUGGEE NSV for me! F is lukewarm again..bleh. That man has issues, deep seated ones. I told him this weekend he needs to stop living in a bubble. He knows it. I still enjoy his company so we will continue to hang out. I no longer stress over the hot/cold periods. I just go with the flow, knowing full well that there isn't going to be a future here, at least anytime soon until he figures out what his problem is...lol.

In other news, 6pack is coming home in 40 days!!! 6pack and I are perfect for each other "on paper". Who knows about, in person. Have I told you I have never met him in person? We have known each other almost a year and have never met. The plan is to meet when he gets back. Yikes! How can I lose 50 lbs in 40 days? LOL

So, I am perusing the Internet and I come across the Mexican guy that was 1200 lbs and is now down to 700. I have always wondered how someone manages to get to 1200 lbs. So, then I see a video of a little girl, and it is sickening.

If you watch the video, watch what the kid is eating. At this stage of her life, Mom should be doing the right thing and eating nutritious meals. I just want to go beat the crap out of this kid's mom right now. She is 7 years old and over 400 lbs.

Ok, after looking for her on the net, found that she is 9 now and down to 150 lbs. Still entirely too much, but WTF? How could you let your 7 year old child get to that point without getting some help?

Balancing

2008-08-08T05:47:00.000-07:00

You want to know if I got on the scale this morning, don't you? Well, I didn't! Ok, I'm lying. I did. I had to. I have no self control. Of course, yesterday was a fluke. The scale is still down, but not 9 lbs (dagnamit!).

I will be practicing balance today. I went to the gym last night and afterwards a good friend of mine called and asked if I wanted to get some dinner. I figured, sure why not I can get a salad or something reasonable. Her kids wanted to go to Barnhill's. If you don't know what that is, it's a buffet. My problem with buffets isn't overeating, it's what I eat. I never feel like I really get my money's worth. I went anyway.

Here's what I had..

Salad with approx. 2 tbs egg, 2tbs cheese and 1/8 cup thousand island dressing
Sausage & Sauerkraut - didn't have any sauerkraut, took 4 pieces of sausage that were cut in 1/2" slices.
3 hushpuppies
1/4 cup mashed potatoes
1/4 cup mac & cheese (it was gross too)
1 roll
1 thingy of butter
1/3 slice of cheesecake

Obviously, not the best choices. However, I am proud of myself. In the past, when I wasn't aware of everything I put in my mouth I would have had more sausage, I would have had more mashed potatoes, and I would have had probably 2 more rolls (they are soooo good). So, I didn't have any "bad" foods. I did make less than perfect choices but it's not about being perfect all the time. I had gone to the gym earlier and only went over my pts by 5 so I am still considering it a perfect day. The plan for today is to "balance" it out. Even though, I still have 33 out of my 35 flex pts left (or really close to that), I am going to reduce my point intake today to "balance" out yesterday's points.

Recipe Thursday

2008-08-07T05:05:00.000-07:00

It's Recipe Thursday but first, I have to share with you what I saw this morning! I got on the scale, as I do every morning. I'm not sure if I have said this in the past but I normally do this to kind of keep me on track. Anyway, I could not believe my eyes! It said, 267 pounds. Huh, what? Monday morning I weighed in at 276.6. Could this really be possible? Probably not, but damn it looked nice on the scale. I realize that would be way too much to ask for. Maybe my body just feels guilty for holding on for so long and thought it would be nice to give me a surprise? hehe, one could hope. So, realistically I don't believe I will be seeing that good of number come Monday morning but it sure made my day. I have changed up what I am eating and not eating most of my flex points (I have only used 1.5 this week) so maybe, just maybe that was the trick to get the weight moving in the right direction.

Some of you asked about the tips I receive in my email from Jillian and how to get them. Here is her page.

On to the recipe....

Someone mentioned creme brulee the other day and I absolutely love creme brulee, so I had found a recipe on the WW site. I have not tried it yet so don't hate me if you don't like it. If you do try it, let me know how it is!

Blueberry Almond Creme Brulee
POINTS® Value: 3
Servings: 6
Preparation Time: 15 min
Cooking Time: 45 min
Level of Difficulty: Moderate

Ingredients:

1 cup fat-free evaporated milk
1/2 cup 1% low-fat milk
3 Tbsp sugar
1 tsp almond extract
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 tsp table salt
1/8 tsp ground nutmeg
2 large egg(s)
2 medium egg white(s)
1 cup blueberries, fresh or frozen and thawed
2 Tbsp slivered almonds, toasted
1 Tbsp sugar

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 300°F.
In blender, combine evaporated milk through to nutmeg and blend for 1 minute. Add eggs and egg whites; blend until smooth. Stir in blueberries.
Pour mixture evenly into six 6-ounce baking dishes coated with cooking spray. Place dishes in 9 x 13-inch baking pan filled 1/2-inch high with water. Bake until knife inserted in center comes out clean, about 45 minutes.
Preheat broiler. Remove baking dishes from pan and sprinkle each with 1 teaspoon almonds and 1/2 teaspoon sugar.
Place baking dishes on baking sheet and broil until sugar melts, about 2 to 3 minutes.

Perfect Day 3: Update

Breakfast: (11)

1/2 cup Egg Beaters (2)
1 1/2 cups Ore Ida Potatoes (2)
3 slices precooked bacon (2)
Coffee w/creamer (3)
1/4 cup lite maple syrup (2)

Lunch: (13)
Huge plain 'ol salad (0)
1/8 cup thousand island dressing (3.5)
Potato Skins (9.5)

Dinner: (6.5)
Pizza burrito (5)
1 cup fiesta corn (1.5)

Snack: (4)
1 cup 1% milk (2)
1 rice krispie (2)

Total Points Used: 34.5 Points (allowed 33) Activity: day off from gym

It's Not about Cheating

2008-08-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

I get tips sent to my email each day from Jillian Michaels. If you don't know who that is, that is the female physical trainer from the Biggest Loser. Some days, there are some great tips. The one I received yesterday was about the word 'cheating'. As we strive to live a healthier lifestyle all of us are guilty or have been guilty in the past (including me) of using words with negative connotations. Cheating, I was bad, I failed, etc. You get the point. We are our own worst enemies. I have said this before, if we think that we are going to fail, we will. So if we are using negative words, is that subconsciously putting is up for failure?

Anyway, here is the tip I received in my email and thought I would share. Cheating is no longer part of my vocabulary!

It's Not About Cheating

For some people, eating more to make up for a caloric deficit on a particular day feels like cheating. To them, I say: Cheating doesn't exist. Try to banish that concept entirely. This is not about cheating; it's about balance. If you happen to eat more than your plan requires on one day, work out harder and eat less the next. "Cheating" is a gross word with negative connotations that imply you're "bad" in some way. Forget that word! Some days we eat less, and some we eat more. In the long run, as long as the more moderate days outweigh the less moderate days, you will achieve weight loss. It's that simple.

However, if you find that you're frequently short on calories at the end of the day, you might try planning your meals more carefully. Take a look at some of the program's sample menus so you can see how I spread calories throughout the day. Go for higher-calorie snacks, like raw or dry-roasted nuts. Keep in mind that there are many higher-calorie foods that are still healthy. For example, hearty whole-grain bread can have up to 120 calories per slice, while other kinds may have only 60. Choose your products based on your individual needs. Increasing your portions a bit in each meal might also help.

Day Two of Perfect Week Update:

Breakfast: (9)
1/2 cup Egg Beaters (2)
1 1/2 cups Ore Ida Potatoes (2)
3 slices precooked bacon (2)
Coffee w/creamer (3)

Lunch: (10.5)
4 oz provolone/olive stuffed chicken breast (6)
4 pierogies (4.5)
1/2 cup broccoli/cauliflower (0)

Snacks: (1)
1 cup grapes (1)

Dinner: (7)
4 slices whitewheat bread (4)
3 tbs light cream cheese (3)
1 cup cucumbers (0)

Snacks: (2)
rice krispie

Total Points Used: 29.5 Points (allowed 33)
Activity: 3 points earned
15 min stationary bike 3.3 miles
15 min treadmill @3 mph
5 min treadmill @3.1 mph

Day 2 of Perfect Week and Biggest Loser Challenge Update

2008-08-04T18:57:00.000-07:00

The Biggest Loser Challenge Status has been posted, with only four more weeks left! I removed all those that haven't weighed in over a month. If they choose to weigh in now, I will add them back to the list but it is easier for me to update this way. Please look over and make sure I am not missing anyone, weights, etc. Despite what you may think, I am not perfect..hehe.

I think that after this round, I might want to do this again but sorry there won't be any prizes next time. Even though, I am not even close to being number one in this challenge, I am somewhat competitive and I think it will help keep me on track. Anybody else game for a new round after this with no prizes, just because...

Day 1 Recap: It was a good day. I stuck to my menu pretty much with a couple of exceptions. I had some olives left over from making the provolone/olive chicken breast so that was 3.5 more points added to my day. I also had 1 cup of 1% milk with dinner so for the day I went over by 1 point. Seeing as I get 35 weekly flex points to use however I want, I was totally on plan for everything....water, veggies, fruit, healthy oils, dairy. I also went to the gym. You are ready to congratulate me, aren't you? Well, to be honest I didn't stay as long as I normally would but it was really kicking my ass today. It's a feat in itself that I actually went to the gym on a Monday. I only did 10 minutes on the bike for 1 mile and 15 minutes on the treadmill @ 3mph. I only earned 2 activity points but that's ok, today is another day. I know, I know you're thinking I should have worked out longer. You're right, but my body wasn't agreeing today so get off my back :P.

Hope everyone had a great Monday!

NOTE: Some of you are reporting that the status link isn't working. I don't know why anyone would be having problems but you may want to try refreshing your browser.

UPDATE AGAIN: Now, I don't know why some of you were having trouble and others weren't but there seems to be a problem with my domain. I came home and tried the link and it no worky so I am in contact with my hosting company. Hopefully by tomorrow, you can see the status.

A New Day, A New Beginning

2008-08-04T04:52:00.000-07:00

I have been doing everything half assed lately and for those that know me, know that I don't do anything half assed, except this weight loss "journey". I am usually raring to go at the beginning of the week and by mid week the enthusiasm starts to wane. It can usually be seen by me not measuring but eyeballing. It can also be seen in my journal. It will have breakfast and lunch listed, but not dinner. I will get lazy and not make my oolong tea and drink soda. I constantly tell myself and you guys that this week will be different but each week ends the same with 3/4 a week journaled (weekends are usually missing). I realize that I won't be perfect all the time but I would like to have one perfect week. So, instead of looking at the big picture which can sometimes be daunting, I am going to focus on this week and this week only. I only have to do one perfect week (and maybe one week will become two, two will become three, you get the picture). So, my plan for this week is to post my meals and my exercise on this blog. If I need a kick in the ass, then please by all means give me one.

Now, that the soul searching portion of today's entry is complete, on to the good stuff. I lost a pound...yay so I am down a total of 12.4 pounds. WOO HOO!!! That is a 10lb sack of potatoes and two boxes of butter! Well, technically if we use my last week's weigh in I lost like 7 pounds but that's really not accurate because TOM likes to get in the way and piss me off...lol. I am finally in the plus percentage for the challenge and now am at my lowest since I started in December. This is a big thing for me. I think, no I know, I am no longer going to play with those same five pounds.

I had a wonderful weekend, which included F :). I think he is coming to his senses and I will leave it at that for now.

Meal Plan for Monday

Breakfast
1 1/2 cup ore ida hashbrowns (lightly sprayed with Pam to cook) 2 pts
1/2 cup Egg Beaters (2)
3 slices ready cooked bacon (2)
coffee w/ 3 creamers (3)

9 pts (I really need to get rid of the coffee, is it really worth the 3pts?)

Lunch
4 slices of whitewheat bread (4) - for cucumber sandwiches
3 tbs light cream cheese (3)
1/2 cucumber (0)
1 cup grapes (1)

8 pts

Snack
1/2 cucumber (0)
1 cup grapes (1)

1 pt

Dinner
provolone/olive chicken breast (6)
4 pierogies sauteed with onions (no oil) (4.5)
2 cups mixed roasted vegetables (0)

10.5 pts

28.5 points Total (I get 33) Hmm, I might be able to have a 90 calorie rice krispie treat for dessert :)

Recipe Thursday

2008-07-31T10:59:00.000-07:00

This is a quick post. I haven't forgotten! It's been a busy day. I also had the pleasure of being invite over to MizFit's to be a "guest chef". I am not really sure how I qualified for that but thank you Carla :) So go check out my 2 minutes of fame...hehe

I will be back later with the recipe of the day. I promise, I promise I will get to you all's blogs today (boy, that sounded very country)

Ok, onto the recipe. I think today will be...dessert. Many of you have probably already seen these and maybe tried them but have gotten the recipe off the WW boards in the past.

DIET SODA CAKES
24 muffins at 2 points each or
12 slices of cake at 3 points each

Most Popular:

Ingredients
1 box dry chocolate cake mix
2 egg whites
12 ounces diet cola

Instructions
Mix together and bake in 13 x 9 inch pan according to package directions. Add 2 Tablespoons Fat Free Cool Whip for zero additional points, or “frost” cake with entire 8 ounce container for 1 extra point per serving.

Other flavors:
Orange cake mix with either diet orange or diet crème soda
Yellow cake with diet red or diet cherry
Yellow cake mix with diet crème soda or diet sprite type soda and toss in ½ cup fresh blueberries. (not enough to make point difference)
Spice cake mix with diet root beer

Katschi also submitted a recipe for today.

Turkey Tomato Hash
Ingredients
1 lb ground turkey
1 19 oz can diced tomatoes
1 cup frozen corn
1 onion, diced
1 green pepper, chopped (today I used peas instead)
1 tsp dried dill
1 tsp Mrs Dash Chipotle seasoning
1 tsp garlic powder

Instructions
In a large covered skillet, cook turkey till no longer pink. Add remaining ingredients, cover and simmer for about 30 minutes.

Good news and bad news

2008-07-30T04:40:00.000-07:00

I have good news and bad news. Remember, yesterday I said that I was going to start going to WW meetings again. Well, that's going to be put on hold for now and I will continue to plug along on my own. I have all the tools, there is no reason why I shouldn't be able to do it on my own. The reason why is...

My roommate gave me notice last night. I really wanted to wait a few more months to give her notice so I could pad the bank a little, get some things paid off, and of course, I wanted it to be on my time :). However, the blood incident pretty much had put the writing on the wall for her so she started looking. She comes into the kitchen last night and hands me her 30 days notice. She says she found some place considerably cheaper. She pays me $550 a month, which includes everything (electric, water, cable TV, movie channels, Internet access, lawn service, pest control..blah blah blah). Cheaper? What is it, a refrigerator box? Sorry, she makes it sound like I am charging her a fortune! Adios!

What this means is that I will have my house back, when I clean it will stay clean, my utility bills should go down, there will be room in the refrigerator for my things, I will no longer be embarrassed for company to come over and use the "house bathroom", no more smelly, bloody dog, so many things to be excited about. Most importantly, I will be able to walk around nekkid again if I want (don't visualize, it will ruin your breakfast). I can enjoy coming home again and not have to stress over whether she is there or not. This also means that I am going to have to be really strict with my money. No more eating out (this is not a bad thing), hold off on the WW meetings (going to try to keep gym membership) and basically just watch my spending closely. I had registered for some college classes this next semester so I need to see if I can still swing those.

The other good news, I almost forgot, with all the excitement over the roommate leaving..I checked the scale this morning. It is back to where it was before the huge overnight 6lb gain so looking forward to a decent weigh in this week!

I apologize for not coming to visit you all. I am going to try to catch up with all of you today.